Thursday, December 29, 2005

2006

Another year is fast approaching and I have decided to make some resolutions this year. Normally I dont make resolutions because to quote a friend, "its all a bunch of crap." This year however is different for me. Recently I spent 9 days with my parents who came to Texas for the first time since I moved here almost 2 years ago. There is nothing that makes you want to change yourself anymore than seeing a mirror image of yourself 30 years from now. So, Resolution #1
Invest time in Me - This is something I dont do well. I dont see a doctor on a regular basis. I dont relax or find ways to reduce stress. I am an extreme workaholic. I will work till all hours. When I am not working I go through my finances, pay bills etc.. My mind never stops. This needs to change. As a salute to myself in 2006 I am purchasing a diamond ring. I have wanted a diamond for some time and now is the time. I recently got promoted and to celebrate this and a new me in 2006, I am making the purchase. This ring will remind me to put myself first sometimes.
Resolution #2
Loose weight. I know this is everyones resolution and it usually lasts for 2 weeks and then poof its gone. Seeing my Mom has made me determined to loose weight. My Mom is not fat but she is everyone's Mom. She is what a Mom is suppossed to look like from all the ads and commercials. This is not the "Mom" I want to be. I am only 4'11" and weight does not look good on me. I have gained weight since coming to Texas because I have been lonely and bored. I am coming home to Wesport in early June and I intended to be 50lbs lighter. I love to run but have not made the time. I asked for a treadmill but never got it so now I need to run again. I dont like to run on the street because of extreme paranoia. I was attacked as a teenager and since then I get nervous when I run alone. Not anymore though I just need to bite the bullet and get it done. I am hoping too that my losing weight will also help reduce the size of my breasts. I recently went online to Fredericks of Hollywood (only store that sells my size) to purchase some new bras for the holidays. Dont laugh! Well they tell you how to measure yourself so that you buy the right size. I followed their instructions 3 times and I was mortified by the size I had to order. Not the back size because that has not changed since I was teenager but I was now an "F" according to them. This was not "Fantastic." This was more of a "Fuck Off." See I dont want to be 50 and hunched over. I also realized somewhere along the way I missed my calling and my ability to make a lot of money!!! HAHAHA. In all seriousness hopefully the weight lose will help and I will be voluptuous but not an F.
Resolution #3
Fix my house so I can sell it! I do not want to stay In Texas and I do not intended to live my life here. In an effort to accomplish this goal I need to sell my house. I really like my home but we tore up the carpeting and said we would paint the front room in an effort to make it our house. One year later I am still looking at concrete floors and no paint. I will be calling a painter within the next few weeks and this house will be in process.
Well I think that about sums it up. Besides becoming a millionaire, having a large amount of plastic surgery done to become the movie star I am inside. I think these are the most realistic resolutions I have ever made in life. Wish me luck!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Christmas List

A good friend of mine began this list so I thought I would borrow the idea from him. After all imitation is the highest form of flattery.
For Christmas my parents came to Texas. For those of you that know me, you know how close I am to my family and how nice it is to have them with me. Not to mention that my father has fixed almost everything that needed to be fixed in my home so far and he has only been here for 3 days. God I love that guy. Even though he was mean to every guy that walked into my home and almost ruined every date I went on. I love him. He can fix anything. As you grow you realize the best thing you daughter can say about you is that you can protect her from anything and you can fix anything. Nothing but pride!! My mom has bought me everything under the sun and the best thing so far was the new David Grey cd. She also has bought me a new dining room table set and a fire pit for my yard. I am spolied even at my age.
The next thing I would love for Christmas is a diamond. I do not own a diamond even though I have been married going on 13 years. I am not a person who buys things for myself but if I do not get a daimond this Christmas, I am buying one myself. No kidding! It will be to celebrate my promotion! Go me!
The last thing I wish I had for Christmas was a plane ticket to come home. I love New England and I would love to spend the holidays with my cocky ass sister, my quiet brother and my friends. I love you and miss you!
Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Thanks

This time of year always causes some people to examine the things in their lives, see what they like and attempt to change what they dont like. I have decided to do the same today by listing what I am truly thankful for, this holiday season.
One of the main things I am thankful for is that I was born in the United States. With the country taking some pretty good and well deserved hits on the war, torture policies, poverty and violence, I am still thankful I was born in the U.S.A. (no singing please) I was born in 1972 with a severe maxocranial facial birth defect. It took 16 surgeries to correct this defect from birth till the age of 13. I traveled to Boston's Children's Hospital multiple times a year and I saw over 5 specialists in the field of reconstructive surgery and related issues. I had stainless steel tubes placed in my ears because my birth defect almost rendered me deaf by the age of 5. I had years of speech therapy so that I could sound like the New Englander that I am today. For all of this today, I have a few scars and suffer an occassional comment from an ignorant stranger. My family was not rich and yet I do not owe anything to the incredible surgeons that made it their job to fix me. My mother did not work during this time because she had to devote so much time to my care and yet we did not loose our home or starve. Organizations like The Lion's Club came forward and helped my family. This would not have been accomplished in another country. I know this for a fact because giving back to those that helped me and a deep desire to help others has caused me to research my birth defect. In the past facing this part of my past was too painful and I shunned away from the topic or others in a similiar situation. Looking into this defect I have learned that although so many advances in science have been made to help harelip and cleft palate children, other parts of our world are left to suffer. Children in third world countries have to rely on the kindness and volunteer spirit of plastic surgeons who make it a point to travel and correct these defects. Some of these children will never be helped. They are considered useless by those around them, the majority have an extreme speech deformity and some cannot eat properly resulting in malnutrition. Organizations such as Smile Train and numerous other govenrment organizations are working to help these children. It costs 300.00 to fix this isue in third world countries. That is all. We spend 300.00 on groceries, flat screen televisions, DVD's etc... I am not preaching today, I just cannot imagine living my life any other way than I live it. People who meet me dont even realize that I have had this birth defect. This has not stood in my way. I was well cared for in every way and for that I am thankful I was born in the U.S.A. If you get the chance to check out the link consider buying some Christmas cards. 100% of the money raised goes to this fight.
I am also thnkful to the parentsthat raised me. My mother gave up a large portion of her young life for my care. I also had children in my 20's and prt of me was very selfish during this time and needed "time for me." My mother had 3 other small children at home and had to devote extreme time to my care. My father worked 2 and sometimes 3 jobs to care for his family. He spent the majority of most weekdays and weekends in the local shops fixing machines and doing odd jobs on the side. I have never known my fathr to be without a job. My mother made it a requirement that all of my siblings care for me at some pont. She said that she never wanted them to be embarrassed of their sister and that by being around them I would develop my speech pattern quicker. She is a very intelligent woman and I admire her courage and strength. I am thankful Iwas born and raised by these wonderful people.
I am thankful for my friends. Especially the ones who put up with my whining and odd sense of humor. I am thanful for those that stopped me from maing mistakes in my life and for those who encouraged me to do more than I was doing. I am thankfu for those who piss me off and cause me to re-xamine a subject I thought I knew and understood. I am thankful for the one who sticks by me and puts up with me and loves me anyway regardless of how many times I drop by unannounced.
I am thankfulfor my siblings and my children. Never in my life did I ever imagine I would love someone as strongly as I love my children. I would give my life for my children. My daughter's always challenge me to see things from different points of view. I love their spirit and their fun. I am thanful for my sister who says it like it is,always. She could care if its going to sting when she says it. If shefeels you need to know then she will tell you. I am thankful for my brother who can take care of everything. I am thankful that I had the chance to see my other sister through her stages in life until her death. I was able to be there with her in her youth, when she threatened to beat up people who teased me,until her illness. I wish I had done more for her in the later part of her life but I am glad she walked with me for the time she did.

Well that is what I am thankful for this holiday season. Be thankful!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

New Clothing Line

If it had a million dollars I would start a new clothing line. Thanks to BNL for the beginning of my blog today! In all seriousness, if I ever strike it rich I am going to have someone design clothes for me and for all woman like me. Woman like me... Who are those woman and how did this idea come to light.
Yesterday, I took a mental health day. I did not go to work because I felt if I did not take the day off I was going to go ballistic and scream possibly cry in my cube all day long. Considering I am the "ice princess" of the department, I thought this would hurt my warm and fuzzy reputation. So with my day off I did what woman do and I went to the mall. Unlike most woman though I went to find presents for everyone else for the holidays and buy myself a white shirt. My white shirt had a huge hole in the left arm. I wore it anyway, but it was a violation of my companies dress code policy, I kid you not, so I went to buy a new one. Standing in the dressing room for the 5th time this revelation came to me. I have a freakishly out of proportion body! I must have because nothing I try on, ever fits. I would post a picture of myself for everyone to see my freakish body but I cant figure out how to add the photo. I am not a techy person either. So my description will hopefully paint this picture.
First of all I am short. I am not small or petit as I am told by others trying to be politically correct, I am short. I am 4'11" short. I wear heels all the time but when it comes to clothes, I am short. I tried on several pants yesterday and they all said, short or petite length and they all still had yards of cloth I would need to remove. So I gave up on pants and said I would just keep wearing my "good ass pants" until they feel apart on their own and I was left naked. My good ass pants are these black pants that I love that make my ass look great. I have sewn the holes in these pants together about 4 times now. This is where I made my mistake. I should have stuck to my ass.
Trying on shirts brought forth a new kind of challenge. Now that you can picture me being short let me tell you where the freakish comes in to play. I am busty. God, I hate that word. Thats a word my fahter would use to describe some woman he saw in the mall. I like to say I am blessed but yesterday it was a curse. I have the ability to stand out ina crowd and often times get the "holy shit" from people walking by me. I dont mind. Most of the time I like being blessed and somtimes I bring attention on my to myself because I wear some shirts that are a little tight or have a V neck. Yesterday was not that kind of day. I tried on size 14 no go. I tried on size 16, no go. I tried on size 18 and this is where I stopped. Now let me say that the only part of the size 14 that did not fit was across the 2nd button. The only part that did not fit on the size 16, was across the second button, and the only part that just barely fits on the size 18 was across the second button. So now I have a white tent that I am wearing but it fits my breasts. So I bought my $48.00, yes $48.00 white shirt and left aggrevated. You see its $48.00 because its a lot of fucking material.
What I cant understand is that with the rise of plastic surgery for breast augmentation rising 80% this year, where are the clothes to fit these freakish Barbies. They have to exist and if not then these woman must all be pole dancers who dont need to wear clothes. See I work in a corporation so clothing is not optional.
So yesterday after talking to myself in a dressing room I considered plastic surgery myself. Reduce them was the battle cry in my head. I walked out and thought about it the rest of the day. So I tabled this thought for now and said maybe someday. Maybe someday after I have stopped running daily and let myself fall apart. Maybe when I am older and I need to have my bras special ordered from some old lady magazine. maybe later but not now.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Oh give me a home

Oh give me a home that is not filled with religious conservatives who belive that the Bible should run the government. It is now offical and every news station and local paper is carrying this headline. "Texans Back Prop 2." Yeah go Texas. Now you too can be proud that you have joined the 18 other states that have put a ban on gay marriage.
As you can see I am a little disturbed by what has happened in Texas yesterday. With more than 700,000 votes, 77% favored the ban. The local paper goes on to say that "Texas is now like every other state except Massa-chusetts." Before Texans go out and celebrate maybe they should learn how to spell and realize that there is no hyphen in Massachusetts.
Numerous ministers were lined up and cited Bible passages to argue for the ban. Is there not something that says we should not mix church and state? Why is my state telling me how to interpret my religion and why is my religion telling me how my state should be run. Did we not stop this because it opend the door wide to discrimination based on religion.
One of the amendments that passed was a improvement fund for Texas railroads. This amendment stated that Texas land could be taken into eminent domain if the railroad needed to expand in your area and that railroad improvement could be run by creating debt. Apparently Texans care more about who their neighbor is fucking and marrying, then they do about losing their land and home to a railroad company.
The only amendment that passed that I think was a positive step was to deny bail for criminal defendants who have violated their release conditions pending trail. This is great. Why are we giving bail in the first place to someone who has violated a condition of their release? If you violate a condition of your release, you should go straight back to jail, do not pass go and not collect 200.00 dollars.
Well, I guess this is the neon sign in the sky for me. I long to be home where things are a little more liberal and I dont have to worry about my Mayor being my Preacher on Sunday. To all those who voted yes to ban gay marriage I say, "god for you." For me I will stick with "thou shall not judge lest ye be judged," or something to that effect.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Priorities

Watching television last night my oldest daughter called to me and asked me to come to the computer. This is not a surprise for me because my 12 year old daughter spends most of her free time either reading or being online. The good thing is that she loves to read and spends most of her weekend engrossed in a good book. The bad thing is her room is a pit and she could really care. I guess thats bad for me but for her its a bonus because she gets to lay around and read. She is a very smart child and I truly cant find fault with reading. Even when she is online she spends her time in HotTopic.com deciding on what she wants for Christmas or on Iconator making new icons to share with her friends. All in all she is a great child.
Last night her assignment from one of her classes was to list her top 5 priorities in her life and say why she picked them. I was amazed at what I read. This also caused me to think about a list like that I may have created at 12 and how that list has changed over the years.
My Top 5
1. My Children - Nothing means more to me than my children. They are the center of my life and I do everything I can for them. I hope they grow up and lead happy, responsible lives. I often times need far more patience than I have with them, but I do what I can with what I know.
2. My Health - A lot of you will laugh when you read this because you tell me all the time that I dont take care of myself. That is true and that has begun to really bother me. I have made a committment to do better for me. I run and I eat well but it is not enough and I need to bring the focus back on me. It is going to be hard because I have learned that I am a "pleaser." I like to make others happy and often times it comes at self sacrifice.
3. My Family - This is not only my immediate family but also my extended family. Things at home in Mass are rough right now for a lot of people and I ache because I cant be there to help out. My Mother dedicated most of her life to me to be sure I was well taken care of and not picked on etc... She did everything she could so that I would lead a"normal" life and not let a birth defect defeat my chances. Now I am not there for her and it is hard.
4. My Friends - I have some really good friends and I love them. My experiences with them have shaped who I am today. To my best friend all I can say is that with you I spent some of the best times of my life. You aggrevate the living daylights out of me and most of them time on purpose but with that said, I still love ya. To my new friends, I say thank you because you have made living in Texas more bearable. You have been there for me when I had no one else to turn to here.
5. God - Although I dont practice my religion, which is Catholic, I have a deep faith. I believe in God and I believe that we all have a purpose. I believe everything happens for a reason and that we are here to do our best. I have come to a point in my life that I want to give back and make a difference. I really would like to volunteer in the Austin Children's Hospital. I have given it a lot of thought and I think its time.
Well I thank my daughter for the inspiration for this blog today. Her number 1 on her list was God. I found that odd because she is 12 and she is not a religious person. I also felt good about that too. Did I say I had great kids!!!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

John Penry

If you dont know this name, you're not alone. John Penry is a mentally retarded man who was suppossed to die by lethal injection in the state of Texas. I am writting this not to say that, "yes he should die" or "no he should not die." I am writting to present some information and let you decide for yourself. For background information I am oppossed to the death penalty because it is racially and socioeconomically biased. If on the other hand this was my daughter who was killed I would have some strong feelings that this man should die. Either way, you decide.

John Penry was 18 years old when he killed Pamela Moseley Carpenter. According to court records he waited outside her home to be sure that her husband was not home. He then broke in, raped and stabbbed her with a pair of scissors that she used to try and defend herself. She later died from her injuries. If you read this and think, "wow there is premeditation and execution of the plan," you would be right. You may say this was a brutal and heinous crime and this man needs to be punished. That may be the end of the story for some of you. You may favor executing him tonight.

Another factor that may or may not help your decision is the life of John Penry. He hand an IQ of less than 70, which indicates mental retardation. According to court records he has the netal age of a 7 year old child. He was beaten and tortured daily by his mother who sufferred a nervous breakdown after his birth. He was subject to long periods of isolation and extreme deprivation that has been reported to contribute to his unsocial behavior. At this point, would you execute this man?

Lets look a little further. He was sentenced to a mental institution in Texas at 17 due to arson. He then committed a rape and served two out of a five year sentence. When he was released it is reported that, "his mental impairment might cause agressive acts." He then at 18 raped and killed Pamela Carpentar. Ask yourself should this man die for these crimes.
Who failed John Penry?Did he fail himself because of his retardation? Can we execute his mother for the heinous way she raised this child? Did the state of Txas fail him and the community for releasing a man who they knew was prone to "agressive acts?"

The state of Texas executes its criminals. Should this criminal be executed? 13 states have since passed legislation banning the executions of the mentally retarded.

You decide!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

PTD

I recently traveled back home on business for a week. I had a great time and I really enjoyed myself. I got to see my oldest friend, AngryPiper and I got to talk to the AngryVeteran, whom I have not spoken to in years. It was a good trip. Guys, why so angry? My only complaint was that it was not long enough. Well, maybe it was for my friends who had to see me and put up with me, but oh well. Once in a year wont kill you.
Now that I am back I think I am suffering from PTD (post trip depression). If I had to rename my blog it would be Unhappy Eve. I am in a funk and it is driving me crazy. Now I understand that this happens and for me it happens a bunch because I am the type of person that needs to always be on the go. I need a lot of stimulation. Once I get bored, its all down hill for me. Its the Gemini in me. To be honest I want to jump the next plane home and forget all about my job, responsibilities etc.. but I cant do that because thats not me either.
My friend Jen asked me the other day if I was having a mid life crisis. She asked because I need to buy a new car, mine is slowly dying, and I want a sports car. Not a Mazda or a Porsche but a Hyundai. I had also just told her that I saw this diamond that I was thinking of buying myself. I do not own or have ever owned a diamond. I feel that my time has come. I want a very simple diamond with the birthstones of my daughters on each side. Were not talking about 10,000.00. we are talking 500.00. That is why my friend asked. It was out of my character. I dont do these things.
To combat my funk I have started running again and for the most part stopped drinking. You cant run if you feel rotten from drinking so I thought stopping was a good thing. I am hoping that running will help me get less funky and help me lose some weight. I am also taking Yoga. Hopefully, this will help me breakout of this unhappy mood.
If this does not help and I dont update my blog in a while, dont worry. I have jumped the next plane.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Time To Kill

Sitting at TGI Friday's in the Atlanta airport a co worker and I began having a pretty meaningless conversation. After spending a week with a co-worker and getting to know all about them, it is pretty difficult to keep the conversation going on day 8 of the trip especially when your both exhausted and dying to get home. Luckily for us, the restaurant had some sugar packets on the table and I picked one up to play with it while waiting for our food. On the back of the sugar packets was my inspiration for this blog. Each sugar packet had a conversation provoking question on the back. Obviously designed by someone on business travel that had exhausted every conversation known to man before me. I was thankful for these packets. I am going to list the questions and my own answers. Feel free to add your own answers as well.
1) What is your dream job? My dream job would be running fundraisers for worthy charities. Wine tastings, concerts, auctions etc... If it was truly a dream I would not work at all but have enough money to do these full time.
2) If you could be any kind of animal what would you be and why? I would be a big cat. They are graceful, beautiful and powerful. All the qualities I would love to possess, just kidding.
3) If you could be a Super Hero which one would you be and why? Oddly enough I would be Cat Woman. Whats not to love about Cat Woman, she is sexy and she has a whip. Need I say more.
4) If you could possess a Super Hero power, which one would it be and why? I would love to read minds and be able to be in more than one place at one time. So mind reading and cloning. Cloning because I am always way to busy with no time to relax and enjoy myself. Mind reading because people never say what they are truly thinking and for once I would love honesty.
5) If you could be with one celebrity for a night of wild sex who would it be? Nicholas Cage, for reasons I will not list here.
6) Whats your favorite sexual position? On top for me.
7) What is one thing that you would not do for $10,000.00 that you would do for a million dollars? This one really stumped me in the airport and I still cannot come up with anything. I am interested to see everyone elses answers.
8) What book are you currently reading? The Rings Of brightest Angels Around Heaven by Rick Moody. It is a a pretty interesting collection of short stories.
9) What is your favorite book or story that you have read? Everyone knows that my favorite book is Brave New World but ranking right up there with it is Dante's Inferno. I want to read a Multitude of Sins next or the Darwin Conspiracy.
10) What is the best present that you have ever given? I love to give gifts but one of my favorites is a key chain I gave to a friend a long time ago. It has become a symbol of enduring friendship to me. Each time I see it, I want to replace it because it is old and the name has worn away but my friend wont let me replace it. Knowing he still has it after all these years is comforting to me.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Greatest Hits

A friend of mine recently listed his top favorite 50 albums. I could not believe that he actually had 50 albums that he considered great. Knowing that I dont have 50 favorite of anything I considered great, I thought I would create my greatest hits list. Its a combination of bands and singers, movies, shows and books. Maybe if I combine them all together I might get 50.

Music
1) INXS - first band I saw in concert as a screaming pre teen.
2) Duran Duran - ok I again was a teenager and Simon was a all the rage for girls in the 80's
3) They Might Be Giants - the most bizzare lyrics
4) Morrissey - loved to be angry
5) Violent Femmes
6) OMD
7) R.E.M
8) The Cure - the band that probably freaked my Mom out the most by appearance alone
* Groups 3 - 8 were during my alternative rock stage in life. I have never been into bubble gum pop so I guess alternative in the 80's was what was left besides Metal.
9) The Police - great memories of my first girl/boy party listening to this one CD in the basement of a friends house all night.
10) Sting - Just the best. I am a true Sting fan.
11) Kate Bush - Her voice is just amazing.
12) Madonna - So much about her music that I love. I grew up with Madonna. From "Like a Virgin" to "Ray of light." I like her.
13) Dave Matthew's Band - great sex music like Barry White
14) Queen - Nothing can be said about Queen. Who does not know the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody?
15) Harry Connick Jr. - I have about 6 of his cd's. I love his voice and his music
16) Cyndi Lauper - I got very intoxicated one night and ordered her latest CD on QVC. It was "Only you." She was singing old songs and she did a great job. She has an amazing voice that she does not showcase all the time.
17) Aerosmith - Pump. Again in my teeny bopper stage but who does not like, "Love in an Elevator."
18) Billy Idol - To this day I still love this guy. He helped me tap into the naughty side of me that I only show on rare occassions.
19) Billy Joel - Saw him in concert with the love of my life...at the time. Could listen to him for hours.
20) Van Morrisson - My wedding song was "Have I Told you Lately." The only version not the crappy Rod Stewart version. For obvious reason, "Brown Eyed Girl."
21) Jewel - For "Near You Always." Love that song.
22) Live - great angry rock
23) System Of A Down - Again runners music.
24) Alanis Morissette - Show me a woman who des not like her and I will show you Barbie. Something about a woman who says it the way it is that I like. How odd!!!
25) Janet Jackson - Velvet Rope. Truly my dominatrix phase but a great album.
26) Stevie Ray Vaughn - If I leave him out my husband will kill me along with the state of Texas. Plus, "Little Sister" is a great song and he was an outrageous guitar player.
27) Eminem - ok this is my bad girl side. I love Eminem. I love bieng a 30 year old mother of two who drives a mini van and listens to Eminem.
28) Run D.M.C - enough said I grew up in the 80's.
Ok now I'm back
29) House of Pain - What I can say I like Irish guys with Celtic style
30) Kenny G - Dont laugh at this one. I grew up listening to Kenny while a dear friend of mine played the Sax. I had to beg him each time to play for me and I loved it. I guess I am a music slut! (HAHA)
Movies
1) Bridges of Madison County - She should have got out of the damn car and ran. That kind of passion comes around once and not acting is like telling yourself you dont deserve happiness.
2) Ferris Beuller's Day Off - Beuller, Beuller, Anyone, anyone...Come on, a classic
3) Better Off Dead - Everyone that knows me knows that I would throw myself at the feet of John Cusiak just for one night. no but seruiously I love his work.
4) Grosse Point Blank - Same reason as stated above.
5) City of Angels - Nick Cage is a favorite of mine and this movie was just moving. Love the hot shower scene
6) Gattaca - One of my favorite sci-fi movies. Perfect socities, perfect people, loved it!
7) Before Sunrise - Sums up friendship and love and made me cry. I would watch this again.
8) Young Frankenstein - Just too funny to leave out.
9) Mulan - One of the only Disney film where the mother actually is alive through the movie. 2 points there and it showcases the power of one determined girl. Good movie for my girls.

Books
1) Revenge of the Middle Age Woman
2) The Good Wife Strikes Back - I read this because I am the "good" wife and I wanted to see what I do later in life when I go through my mid life crisis.
3) Wifey - Judy Blume wrote this and I grew up reading her books. her adult book is wonderful. It is a very erotic novel and I have read it over and over.
4) Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten - This book was too comercialized but the content was amazing.
5) It was on Fire When I Lay Down on it - Sums up life
6) Maybe (Maybe Not) -
7) Uh - Oh
8) Brave New World - My favorite book of all times.
9) Macbeth - "out damn spot." Lady Macbeth rules!!!
10) French Woman Dont Get Fat - I am french I was obliged to read this one.
Passions
1) Baking - I love to bake and I would love to open my own Patisserie one day
2) Running and working out - What I have to do because I like to bake. Just kidding. I love being strong and running and working out reinforces my own strength
3) Reading - truly a lost art and the downfall of civilization. We need to read to feed the mind.
4) Music - Makes me happy, sad, act silly. Moves my soul

Well that about sums up Eve. Not really but its a good insight into what makes me, me! Besides whats listed above I am a workaholic, stubborn, sometimes silly, independant, loving woman. I can be found watching CSI or Law and Order SVU. I love things that make you stop and think and not just stream into your unconsciousness.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Favorites and Pet Peeves

I decided I would write this as a follow up to the 18 things about Eve. Work has been very stresful lately so it has been easier for me to recognize the things that piss me off versus the things that I truly enjoy but I will try anyway.
Favorite things:
1) The contrasting personalities of my daughters. I have witten about this before but it is true. Two children, created by the same set of parents, living in the same household, both very different and their own. My oldest daughter is 11 and is moody, has a dry sense of humor and is an incredible perfectionist. She has no tolerance for stupidity and often times can insult someone without their knowledge. My youngest daughter is 10 and is wildly funny in an outward way. She will make faces, stand on her head to get you to laugh. She is a lover and will sit in your lap and tell you she loves you.
2) The beach. Moving to TX I did not realize how much I love the beach. Sitting on a rock for hours discussing lifes challenges as a teenager with friends. The last time I was home I took some rocks back with me. I am sure airport security was saying, "why is this bag so heavy, you got rocks in it." Well actually yes I do.
3) People that know me. Being in a new place I miss being with people who truly know me. I miss the people who can tell me to, shut the fuck up, when I get on a roll or the people who know that saying something stupid when I am trying to be serious will make me laugh. I think people have the different perception of me here because of my work. I am truly a lover and not a fighter but I guess I show my fightin side here more.
4) Laughing. I love to laugh and do fun things. I love to tease and joke around. I love to cause minimal trouble and then sit there looking angelic...
5) Good music. It does not matter what kind as long as its good. Good country, good rock, etc.. One thing I do like is classical music, opera etc.. Its a good way for me to just sit and unind. Everyone is now saying..boring but oh well for you I like it.
6) Reading. I think this is a lost art. Everyone is so busy and is online and connected that we seem to have lost the gift that solitary reading can give to you. I like to be alone and read. For pleasure I read erotica. My girly vice. The majority of times I read things that make me think.
7) Working out. I love to run and work out. I like the stress relief and I like the way my body responds and feels when it is pushed. I like the way it keep my legs from looking like pools of jelly at 33 years old. I wear short skirts and running allows me to keep wearing them.
8) Flowers and a diamond. If you know me, you know I never buy anything for myself. I just dont. I will buy everything for everyone else but I really dont treat myself. So the only two truly girly things I like are flowers and diamonds. I love flowers. In a vase, on the side of the road, delivered for no reason. I just love flowers. I am not talking aboyut 150.00 vase of roses. For my birthday this year my mother shipped me two rose bushes. What a wonderful gift. She knows me well. I never get them and I dont buy them for myself but I love them. The one thing I am determined to buy myself is a diamond. When I got married I was broke and a diamond was not possible. All this time has passed and I have decided that the next raise I get I will buy my diamond. I dont want a big diamond I really want a diamond with my daughter's birthstones on each side. Kind of like a mother's ring but not the tacky yellow gold ones in Sears.
9) Excitement I love getting knots in my stomach, a good thrill ride, a good suspense novel, a great CSI or Law and Order. I love the feeling you get in your stomach and chest when you are looking at someone and you really want to touch or kiss them and dont.
10) Touch. Its underrated today. We have come to a place where putting your hand on someones shoulder is sexual harrassment. I like being touched. Hugged, pushed and shoved playfully. I try to be sure that I hug my kids more. I think as people we need that.

Pet Peeves
1) Not realizing the obvious. You know these people. The ones who go outside in 100 degree heat and say "wow its hot." No shit its hot. You live in TX and its summer. I am sure I have been guilty of it myself too but it really can piss me off.
2) People that yell when thy drive. Is driving from point A to point B so important that you need to yell, swear and get so upset that it can potentially ruin the rest of your day.
3) Control and drama. Live and let live. Why are we bent on how others live their lives and we dont see our own issues. I dont care if your gay or straight. I dont are if your rich or poor. I dont care the car you drive. Let me live. Dont be needy. Dont require that I make you happy. learn that the only person who can make you happy is you.

More to come but if I dont stop now I will be late for work.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Eve

I ripped this off from a friend of mine who ripped this off someone else. Ahh the saga continues.

15 things you may or may not know about Eve

1) I am 4'11''. I have heard every short joke in the world. I have lived with the nicknames of "shorty," "little one," and my personal favorite "half-pint," given to me by my Mom.

2) I love Ultimate Fighting. I trained with a former Ultimate Fighter for about a year and can now successfully defend myself. I create a distraction and run like hell.

3) I bought my best friend the same Christmas present for 15 years because in high school thats all he wore and I felt you could never have enough. The first 5 years were because he needed them the past 10 have just because I like to fuck with him.

4) I recently moved to Texas and have spent a year trying to figure out what everyone is so damn proud of in this state. I think we were kind of proud in MA, we just did not show it, sing it ot tattoo it.

5) I took figure skating lessons as a child so I could be more graceful. That did not work but I can sure play a mean game of hockey.

6) I dont have a favorite book but I do like to read Philospohy and some Sci- Fi. I like Robert Fulghum and attended a lecture where he spoke at Bridgewater State College. I love Brave New World and even read it as an adult, when it was not required summer reading. I loved Wifey by Judy Blume but thats the girly side of me.

7) I watched American Werewolf in London on Nantucket and made my best friend sleep with me that night because I was too freaked out to sleep alone. I am not a horror movie fan.

8) I have more male friends than I do female friends. Not sure why, I just do.

9) I hit and killed two Doberman Pinchers on my way to PC one day. The next day my friend put two little stickers of dogs on the side of my car with a circle and line through them.

10) I was a good girl growing up. Straight A student, National Honor Society, yearbook staff, varsity softball player (short stop hahaha)

11) I liked to date "bad" guys. The kind of guys your friends warn you about.

12) I am well endowed. I have been since I was 12. Not the easiest thing to grow up with but I have adapted and learn to love them. Plus with the three speeding tickets they have helped me get out of, they cant be all that bad. My friends commonly refer to them as "the twins."

13) I have 2 daughters who I love tremendously and would give my life for. They make me laugh and in this world thats an assett.

14) I love intelligent and funny men. All brawn and no brains, not for me. I am a gemini and I enjoy the battle more so then the victory. I like being challenged and aggrevated. Odd but true.

15) I love to joke and screw with people. Like leaving 17 voicemails for a friend that said the exact same thing in each one. Little things to make the day go by and have some fun

16) I am clumsy. If I hold something valuable I will break it. Not intentionally but I will. Little pewter swords, books, weapons anything that is valuable. If I am at a function and there are "important" people there I will trip them, bump into them or say something stupid in front of them. I once said the new message boards bought by my former company was a waste of money while my director stood behind me. My friend Jen hid in her cube while I tried to explain myself.

16) I know I said 15 but I have one more. I am a touchy feely person. I like to go up to people and put my hand on their arm or wrap my arm around their shoulder. I enjoy being touched too. This will seem odd to some of my friends in Texas because for some reason people think I am a little icy.
Oh well thats me.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Wish List

I think I can speak for a majority of people when I say that growing up I developed a "wish list" for my life. Some people may say goals or dreams, regardless of the name it was something that you wrote down or mentally made a note of in an effort to guide you in your life. Recently, I was going home and I was going through some old boxes in an effort to find some old pictures to bring home to a friend. I did not find the pictures but I did find my "wish list."
Wish 1 - Be a doctor
For those that know me well you know that everything I did growing up was to accomplish this goal. I took 4 years of math and language so it would look good on my high school transcript. I attended seminars and discussions of philosophy authors in an effort to be able to treat the whole person. I was obsessed and I was a child. Maybe a little too studious! Looking back now I realize that I would have made a good doctor but not a great one. I learned growing up that I get too nervous when I draw blood. I also learn I break out in hives and red blotches when I have an indepth challenging conversation with others. Can you see that in an exam room.
Wish 2 - Get married, have children, own a home
This was a wish that I accomplished early in my life. Looking back now I wonder what was my rush. Some of my friends to this day dont have children and my oldest will be 12. Not that I would trade them for the world because I would not. If you knew my kids you would know what wonderful people they are and will be in their own life. Brenna is so strong willed and forward that she has the ability to make things happen and exact change. Morgan is a lover not a fighter and will nurture those that end up in her life. I have learned that marriage is a challenge and if presented again in my life is not something I would do over. The only reason is that it is the toughest thing I have ever had to be part of in this world. I am not a marriage basher at all but I think people think of it as a fairy tale with your knight and savior and then you realize the only person who can truly save you and make you happy is you. I think that is why divorce is so high because people have their expectations set way to high for something that two humans have to work very hard at doing every day.
My wishes are now changed and I wrote them down again so that in another 10 years I can look back over them and maybe laugh again. One wish I have now is to return to MA and I will be working hard to accomplish this wish. I get back to you in 10 years and let you know how it all worked out!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Woman

My last post was entitled men so I guess it is only natural for me to comment on a subject I do know and sometimes understand. I say sometimes because on my recent visit home I met up with my sister-in laws for a visit and we got into a pretty heated discussion about pornography. Apparently according to one sister-in law I am not the norm in regards to my opinion about naked woman. Let me clarify I was not discussing naked men because giving the way she objected so stronglyto woman I was not even about to go down the naked man road. Children were also not present during this conversation because although I see nothing wrong with the human body being naked, I do not think my 12 and 9 year old daughters need to be open to it. They will grow up and form their own opinion.
My sister-inlaws see poronography and stripping as evil. Something lower class woman do for money. Ok I understand this opinion and I can say that their is a large portion of woman who strip and pose nude who fall into this category. What I do not like is the fact that they would not even consider other viewpoints.
I went to a private Jesuit College and it was right near a famous strip club. The Foxy Lady for my MA and RI friends. The girls in my dorm were not poor, they did not have drug problems, they did not have an evil pimp pushing them for cash. They danced naked because they could make 1200.00 in a night. Some of them were putting themselves through college, some of them like expensive things that Mom and Dad would not pay for any longer. These were not Lifetime movie woman whose life story would make you break out a box of tissues. These were smart and beautiful woman who knew that they could get a man to fork over 25.00 bucks for a lap dance.
I think what my in laws fail to see is that some of these woman are business woman. They realize that they have a body that men will pay a lot of money to see. This does not make them prostitutes. The last time I checked you are a prostitute if you charge for sex.
I guess I dont understand and never will the insecurity that lurks in woman's closets. If you think your husband or boyfirend will go see a stripper or see a Playboy model and leave you then maybe your relationship needs to be examined. Why can we not just look at a woman and say, "Wow she is beautful." Plus its easier for a woman to give a compliment....just kidding.
I say live and let live. If its not for you then dont buy it, read it or watch it. Dont condem those of us who see nothing wrong with it and appreciate beauty in all its form not just the "right" ones.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Men

My post today centers around one of my favorite subjects, men. Let me put this out there now I am not some nympho freak who stalks hotties trying to get laid. In fact I have been a pretty good girl most of my life. One thing for sure is that I am not lesbian. I enjoy the company of men. Let me clarify, I enjoy the company of men who peak my interests. Being that I am a Gemini I need stimulation. Boredom is not good for us twins. I do not like GQ poster boys who care more about their own looks then current affairs. I enjoy the company of men who will try my nerves, patience, intellect, and strength.
My Dad. The first man in my life. I am by far a daddy's girl. I am the baby of the family and for the majority of my life my father was my protector. He is what a father should be. Even to this day he calls and asks me if I need money, food, help with my car etc... and I am thouands of miles away. He is not college educated, but give him a piece of sheet metal and he can make it into a working machine. He is a mechanical wiz. He is opioniated and often times prejudiced in his beliefs. He taught me that the value of someone is not in what they have but what they have to give. He had nothing most of my life, I was not rich at all. He gave what he could, I have learned a lot from him and I love him dearly.
My best friend. I met this man at age 14 and I have known him for 18 years now. When I met him he was a teenager with angst and issues. He was not known for his polite conversations or his perky dispositions. He was an immediate attraction for me. I wanted to get to know him and understand why he was the way he was. Trying to know him and understand him, I became his friend. We fit. We were good together. I was the opposite of him. I looked at the sunny side lets say. He tried my nerves, my patience and my good nature and that thrilled me. We are still friends now and he still tries my nerves, patience and good side. He enjoys pushing my buttons till I tell him to fuck off. He taught me that difference is a good thing and I love him for that.
My husband. When I met my husband he was an edgy artist with dreams of his artwork being displayed. He was dramatic and passionate. He had a who cares attitude but took things he cared about seriously. He was older and had traveled. I enjoyed his conversations about different places and things he saw and drew. I enjoyed his passion and his excitement. I was captivated. He has taught me to see the color in life. He has taught me to express myself and see the color in something I percieve as black and white. He has opened my eyes and I love him for that.
Friends. I am drawn to men more naturally then woman. I am a tomboy. I enjoy sports, playing and watching. I like activity. I am not a girly girl although some parts os me are very girly! I have made a few male friends in Texas. Some of them are big brother types who are there to listen to me vent. Some of them are fun and allow me to show a little of my free side. A few of them try my nerves, patience, intellect and strength. Need I say more...

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

To Praise or not To Praise

Sitting at work today it occured to me that life as I know it has changed a lot since I was a child. Life has changed a lot since I was in my 20's for goodness sake. I am really not that old but out of my 20's anyway. It seems that those who wish to not offend the general population are taking control of the rest of the world and making it impossible for anyone to be told, "hey you suck." Let me see if I can explain a little better.
When I was a child you had to try out to be on a team. You tried out and if you were good enough, you made it and if not, you were hurt and either tried harder next time or gave up. Now to be a memeber of a team you just have to pay a fee and show up. No good, No bad, just indifference. This occurs in sports, dance, school newspapers and committees at work. No one seems to care if you are qualified, they just want you to show up and have a good time. Not that this is a bad thing. Lord knows it saved me from having to console a crying child now and then. My concern is that life does not operate on the just show up and have a good time theory. If that was true I would be the head of a multi billion dollar corporation driving a jag and having a houseboy, because hell I can try. It does not mean I am any good at billion dollar deals or plastic surgery but I would show up. Understand. Do you want your plastic surgeon to say, "Mrs. Jones I did the best I could on your breast augmentation." No, if your paying 30,00.00 for a glorious boob job you want glorious boobs.
I know I have been rambling, but what are we sheltering our kids and other grown ups from. Reality. It is ok to say someone sucks. Just say it nicely. It allows them to find the things they dont suck at and move on from the things they do. It allows them to live their life doing something they like versus doing something just because they can show up. If my kids do something below their standard, I tell them. Next time they will either work harder or give up. They will live knowing they are not perfect and sometimes do things that downright just suck. Thats reality. If this post sucks please feel free to tell me. Luckily, this is not my full time job.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Parenting and Sex

For those of you with children of any age you know that the title of this post is an oxymoron. You know that the sex you had that made you parents, is a thing of the past for at least 16 years. I say 16 because by that time most kids are driving and spend long hours away from the house. For those of you without kids let me see if I can paint the picture. You and your partner lying naked in front of a fire watching porno, makes you happy. You and your partner lying naked in front of a fire watching Nickelodeon, makes you Michael Jackson. Understand! I did not start this post today with the intention of talking about my sex life and how it has changed post children. That would take too long.
I am writting today because I dont understand sex ed in schools. About 4 months ago I was asked, by permission slip, if my teenage daughter could attend the sex ed portion of her science class given by a local clinic. For those of you that know me, I am a very open person and I have never had a problem discussing sexuality with my daughters. For those that read my last post you also know I am pretty liberal. I signed the permission slip and thought all was well.
I come from a family where sex is not a "bad" or "dirty" thing. My sisters and I all sat around with coffee at my Moms one day and told her all the palces we had sex in her house. One would say we are open. I also know that my mom and I are not the norm. I know that kids dont always get the benefit of talking to their parents about sex. So that is why sex ed is a good thing. Except the sex ed class that my daughter took talked about the following: Teen pregnancy, Abuse, STD's, Violence, and Puberty.
The one thing missing from the topics covered was Sex. No one told this bunch of teenagers what sex was. No pictures, no diagrams and no discussion. So we took a bunch of kids and told them not to get pregnant but we failed to tell them How they get pregnant. We told them not to get an STD but failed to tell them How they get STD's. Am I the only one that sees the flaw in this method?
Fortunately my daughter knows because thats the kind of parent I am. Consider this the next time you see a pregnat teenager, did we do our best to make sure she did not get that way or did we allow someone else like our schools or televison to do the tough stuff for us.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Texas and the rest of the world

Last year I was given the oppurtunity to further my career by moving to Texas. Growing up in the North all my life I figured I was up to the challenge. I was wrong. I have spent the last year learning that Texans are a special breed of people. First off, they are nice. For my friends back home, I dont mean the kind of nice where you give the thank you wave to the driver that actually let you cut in on route 195, I mean talking about your day in the local grocery store kind of nice. Coming from a place where we never look people in the eye for fear of having them say, "what ya lookin at." This has been a shocker. I have learned that nice people really do exist and not just "being nice" to get something from you. Although, I have met those here to. Texans also exhibit an unbelievable pride in their state. People have the star of Texas on their house, driveway, car, tatooed on their body type of pride. They all attend the local high school football games regardless if they went or have kids in that school. They fly the Texas flag everywhere. I dont even know if Mass has a flag let alone fly it from my home or tatoo it on my body. The third thing that you cant miss is that it is perfectly ok for a Texas cop to call a woman darlin. There is even a commercial where a car dealer asks a woman if she has checked with her husband before buying the car....Where am I? Lastly Texans love George W. He is from here and supported here. For those of you that know me I am kind of liberal. I believe in a woman's right to choose and work for that matter. I support the men and woman fighting right now because they are giving up things I could not, like seeing my children. Dont get me wrong I like Texans. I just wanted to illustrate that even though we all live in the USA, I am a foreigner in a foreign land.