2007

So Christmas is over and the new year is on its way. What will the new year bring? I am on my way to losing the 50lbs I want to loose. I am hoping to be home by June or August the latest. Will 2007 be a good year? Who knows. My hopes are high but according to my friends I am an optimist.

The Journey

A poem written by John McLeod states that, "It's the journey that's important, not the getting there!" I have never thought about this same concept more than I have this past weekend. I have come to realize that on my journey lately I dont feel like I am driving my car. I am being driven and I am lost.

This past weekend I attended a Leadership conference for the company where I work. This is a very large Fortune 500 company with a lot of opportunity for growth and promotion. Being there this weekend I met several colleagues who work at their career. I dont mean they work at their job. They work at their career. They network. They go places they know senior management will be and introduce themselves. They talk about their recent success stories and make themselves known. They volunteer to be on committees and boards to not only help others but for some self promotion as well. They work at their career. I dont do this at all. I go to work everyday for long hours and I do a good job. I always thought, in a naive way, that you get noticed and promoted this way. This is really not the case. So the question I found myself asking this weekend was, do I want to make business, my career? If I do then am I willing to work at my career?

The other great love in my life is baking. I love to bake. I am not just a "Mom baker." Someone who bakes cookies for the PTA. Nothing wrong with this baker at all, in fact that is how I got my start. I love to bake rich cakes and tortes. If the recipe looks complicated then I want to try it and change it. I have recently been thinking of opening my own bakery. I would like to leave my job and use my 401K funds to start this business. On my recent business trip I drafted a beginning business plan and began to see what all of this would take to complete. It is a very lofty goal. It will take more money then I have saved and it will take every ounce of my time. Still this is something I think I want to do at some point.

To add more complication, I still would like to move back home. The good thing is I can still stay with the company I work for now and move back home. They have offices all over the United States. I can also move home and find a very busy location for my bakery. I am also in a difficult point in my personal life. My life lacks passion, in all forms. I lead more of an apathetic existence and I dont like it at all. This is not what I thought my personal life would be like 13 years ago. I need to make some changes to find passion in my life again. I know myself well enough to know that without it, I will never be happy.

So, "It's the journey that's important, not the getting there!" I am not sure what I have learned so far on this journey but I am hoping that somewhere a light will shine and let me know that I am headed down the right path. I hope not to be too lost for too long.

All About Eve

Height: 4'11
Build: Yes, just kidding, Athletic
Eyes: Brown/green
Hair: Dark brown
Hobbies: Reading Running and Baking
Favorite TV Show: CSI, Law and Order SVU and CI and The Daily Show!
Favorite movie: Before Sunset
Favorite teenage book: Brave New World
Favorite story: Paradise Lost
Favorite poet: Shakespeare
Favorite artist: Georgia O'Keefe and Salvador Dali
Favorite saying: Tomorrow the sun will rise
Place I want to visit: France, Italy and Ireland
Vacation spot: Disney (I have never been)
Favorite actor: Nicholas Cage
Scariest movie I have ever seen: Silence of the Lambs
Favorite vegetable: Broccoli
Favorite drink: Diet Pepsi, Kendall Jackson Vintage Reserve Chardonnay
Favorite snack: Chips and queso
Favorite food: Chicken marsala
Food I make best: Chocolate ganache layer cake
Favorite place to sit and think: Horseneck beach
Future goal: To run a half marathon
Where you want to be next year: Massachusetts
Music I listen to: Sting and Evanessence
What I cant get in Texas: Good seafood and good chinese food
Favorite swear: F**k Off
Favorite perfume: Beautiful by Estee Lauder
Favorite piece of jewelery: Bracelet
Best present received: My Grandmother's diamond
Stupidest thing I have done: Pretend my car was broke down to get a date with a cute construction worker. Not getting my degree because I got married.
What I wanted to be when I grew up: A Cardiologist
What I am: Not a Cardiologist. Call Center manager
What I like most about my body: My legs
What I like least: My mid section
My personality: Quiet and serious
Thats me

Can I be a Senator

Alcohol has been a topic of discussion between my friends lately. It seems that Mark Foley has also been having some of the same discussions. Apparently he is an alcoholic. His alcoholism has caused him to send instant messages and emails to a 16 year old Congressional Page. Alcohol has on occasion caused me to drunk dial an old lover and re-proclaim my feelings, but that about the extent of it. This morning it was also announced that Mr. Foley had been molested as a teenager by a clergyman. This abuse he claims has also contributed to his inappropriate behavior with a 16 year old boy.
I understand that alcohol and abuse can have detrimental effects on a person. I believe that physical, emotional, sexual and mental abuse can lead someone to drink to excess. My concern is that he has come out with an array of reasons why he did what he did. He has not yet come out and said that he did it and what he did was wrong. There is no responsibility. I truly don’t care if he has factors that contributed to his behavior. It does not excuse his actions. It does not make me feel bad for him and wish him well. It angers me.
I am also angry about the fact that he is not treated the same as everyone else. He could have been on Dateline's "To Catch a predator." If he was then he would have been arrested on the spot. The only thing he did not do was send naked pictures of his genitals to this boy and he had not yet set up a meeting. Although he asked for a meeting. When I grow up I would like to be a Senator so that all my transgressions can be overlooked. What it comes down to is that this 52 year old man was wrong. He was in every way wrong. This was not an adult. This was a 16 year old boy. He needs to answer for his actions and be held just as responsible as any other person in this same situation would be held.

Birthday

My oldest daughter turns 13 tomorrow. I thought I would compile a wish list for her. These are things I hope she accomplihes in her life as well as things I hopes she avoids. 13 is only the beginning of some very tough years. She is very smart and very pretty. She is artistic and moody and likes rock music. I hope that the next few years are fun for her. I hope she makes it through her teenage years with as little pain as possible.

1)Graduate - This should be a given for her but I felt the need to put it out there.
2)Go to college - I am big on education and life long learning.
3)Live on your own - Find out who you are and what you believe.
4)Support yourself - Realizing that you can survive alone is a powerful thing
5)Find a friend - Have one person in life that knows you like no other.
6)Experience passion - Mental, physical, and emotional. Find what excites you and makes you feel alive.
7)Challenge yourself - Never settle and say "its good enough." Push your limit.
8)Be yourself - Dont let others decide who you are. Remember your beliefs.
9)Be strong - Physically, mentally and emotionally. You will be tested
10)Avoid drugs - Life is just hard and this just makes it harder
11)Love - Experience love in all forms. Be open to the oppurtunity to love
12)Validate those in your life - Remember to thank those who love and support you
13)Question authority - Power is not always righteous
14)Walk away - Know when something just wont work, is over or is bad for you.
15)Value yourself - Know that you are wonderful because you are.
16)Read - See the world through others. Relax and enjoy yourself.
17)Do something just for you - This will help keep you happy.

I am sure there are many more I can add. If you have a good one, add it.

To be less poetic I hope she does not marry until she knows herself. I am in my 30's and I think I finally know who I am and I think I just got to this point. I hope she finds the man that she loves completly and who loves her just as much. If she never finds this love, then I hope she never settles for less. I hope she never lets anyone beat or degrade her. I hope she has many experiences in life so she will know what makes her happy. I hope she travels and experiences other cultures and places. I hope no one in her high school class dies. This pain is great. I hope she finds one person who no matter what happens in life will be there for her. I hope she loves that person and realizes when she takes that person forgranted. I hope she knows how much her mother loves her and that no matter what, I am here.

Angry

Recently I have seen a new side to myself. I am not 100% happy about this side. Last weekend I was, angry. Everyone right now is saying, "so what you were angry." Why make a big deal about being angry. Everyone gets angry. To be honest that really is not true for me. I am not an angry person. I don’t fly off the handle and become irate. I have angry friends. Look at the Piper and Veteran. These are angry men. I am more of a live and let live type of person. Very little affects me. In fact, there has only been one person in my entire life who has every angered me so much that I yelled obscenities at him.
For a while I thought something was wrong with me because I don’t get angry. People around me seemed angry over things I would talk about that really did not upset me, to the same degree they upset everyone else. I began to think that I did not care and that I was just going through the motions of living without feeling anything. This was not the case. In fact I found I really enjoy some things lately that I have tried. I began to realize that I am a pretty even tempered type of person and I am just very tolerant.
Well all that changed last weekend. For the first time in my life I threw something in anger. I picked up a cell phone, not mine, and I threw it down my hall. It hit the far wall and I picked it up and put it back on the bureau. I am not sure why after 30 something years in my life I got angry enough to throw something. I don’t know why and I don’t like it either. I go to the gym daily and I run and swim for an hour. I found that this helps me get rid of stress in my life. This is how I express myself. I don’t throw things in anger.
This has really bothered me. I am not obsessing and I will let it go. I am sure it wont happen again because of the fact that it bothered me. I just have to wonder why.

Friendship

I have never been a good judge of character. This fact is reinforced in me each time I review the list of men I dated in my life. The list is not long but it is also not a who's who among the worlds greatest minds. I am very lucky for the good friends who I do have that can spot trouble a mile away. They are usually the ones who send up warning flares that this new person I am trying to befriend, is not the person I think they are. Some of my friends have even gone to extreme measures, like freezing me at a beach for hours, drilling into my head reasons why my new friend is not all that great. Iris Murdoch, a novelist, said, "There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship."

As I left work on Friday I thought of this saying and how much I missed those in my life who supply that kind of comfort. There are few people in life that we meet, that stay in your life. You meet people who are fun, for the moment. You meet those who help you realize a dream or a help you complete a task. You meet those who make you better than you were before you met them. You meet those who you think are great, only to realize that you have been mistaken. It is a rare moment when you find someone who "fits" with you. Yet this is the type of relationship that is taken for granted most often.

My main "problem" is that I believe that people's intentions are pure. I believe someone when they say that they want to get to know me. I believe the person who says that they like talking to me because I like current events, sports and politics. I don’t see the agenda they hold, when so many other people around me see it clearly. I invest myself and I open up, only to realize in the end that my friends around me were right all along.

Thanks to all of you for shouting loud enough so I could hear. Thanks to those who just said, "don’t do it."

Bob

My dad, Bob, is a man of very few words. He does not show a lot of emotion and growing up he really let me, be me. I was a good girl. I did not get into trouble and he knew that. He trusted me. The only time he felt he had to give his opinion was when I began dating. My father had three daughters and one very successful son. Sorry Carol!

My sister, Carol, was the oldest. She was thin, blonde and very pretty. She began the dating thing for the girls of the family. My sister, Michelle, was next. She got married soon after she began dating and my father was very upfront about the fact that he did not like her selection. He was always very nice to my sister's husband but you knew he was not thrilled. I was next on the list to date. I was a little different because I was the youngest. I was also a little more endowed then the other girls my age. On top of that the majority of my high school friends were male. I got along better with men. I still do. I guess its because I like sports, I am athletic and I am not always real girly. Well my dad had no problem telling me how he felt about the men in my life. When I look back now it’s a wonder I ever left the house. Here's the break down. For those that might see this I am using initials so not to offend the actual people

TZ – Big football player who told my dad, not knowing he was my dad, that he wanted "a piece of that" before summer was over. We all worked together at a camp and Ted did not know he was talking to my dad. Needless to say that was not a good summer for Ted.
JB – Liked by my Dad. Said he was " a nice boy." He was the mastermind behind some car "decorating" in my teens but all in all a very nice boy. He is also now a really nice man. On of the few men in my life that I can say that about.
PD – Best friend to JB. I was crazy about this guy in my teens. According to my Dad he was "sneaky." So it was always me saying, "Hey dad I am going out with sneaky and nice boy tonight."
BG – Thought I was going to marry this guy. First serious relationship. My dad had no opinion of him. That was not good either. He said he could take him or leave him. He treated me really well and we were together for a while. I could still call and talk to him today.
MB – Liked by my Dad now, not all that liked as a teen. My dad called him "spinner." Not sure why but it had something to do with the fact that his eyes were always half open. Said he was always spinnin in his head. I laugh about this now because I was a pretty naïve teen and I did not know what he meant. I do now. This was the bad boy that for some reason otherwise intelligent woman are drawn too. I could not get enough of MB. He would drop his girlfriend off at home and come and pick me up. We did doughnuts in the snow and stole street signs. He carried me over his shoulder back to his car at Dave's beach, because it was raining. He had seats in his El Camino that spun all the way around. As a teenage girl I thought he just wanted to hang out and be friends. Luckily for me I had another friend, AP, who new differently and saved me from MB. I still see MB and there's a part of me that still lusts after the bad boy
LB – Not liked by my dad at all. Said he was "spoiled." Said he was a nice enough guy but could tell he did not like to get his hands dirty. We broke up on Valentines night at a dance. We broke up because his friend DH said out loud, "wow your girlfriend has big guns." My boyfriends reply was "yeah I know." I looked at him, found MB and left the dance. That’s the only encounter I had with DH and I am pretty happy about that. Part of me loves MB for rescuing me from that night.
AV – Liked by both my mom and Dad. My mom said he would be "very handsome and successful" when he grew up. My Dad said he was a "stand up" kind of guy. As a teenager that was hard to believe because he was such a goofy guy. He made everyone laugh. He was president of the teen club. He was fun and great. Well they were right, today he is handsome and successful. Way to go AV.
AP – Best friend to AV. My best friend too. My dad has always said, "there's something about him." I'm sure that’s not a good phrase. He saved me from MB and has been my best friend for almost twenty years. Trust me when I say it took a lot to save me from MB. I was pretty set on spending some time with him. This is also the only person who I have screamed obscenities at in the rain barefoot in front of his house with his mother watching. I am sure like my dad she has her own opinion of me.

Things I learned in Texas

I have lived in Texas for 2 years now. There are certain things in Texas that one coming from New England should know ahead of time. Consider this your warning.

1) Don’t drink from a garden hose in Texas. The water coming out of the hose will be Hot. Not just hot but make brewed tea, kind of hot. You will burn your grass, flowers and your mouth. Trust me I know.
2) Carrying Firearms – Texans can carry firearms and it is up to the owner of a store to post signs saying that guns cannot be brought in. True story. A man open fired on his ex wife and son outside of a court house after their divorce hearing. He killed his ex wife, injured his son and others. Another man driving by in his pick up truck (of course) stopped, shot and killed the man with the gun. The man driving the truck was not charged.
3) Pride – Texans have pride. Big pride. They put the star of Texas on their house and in mosaic on their driveway. The wear the Texas flag on shirts and say things like, Long Live Texas. In school they not only say The Pledge of Allegiance to the United States flag they say The Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of Texas. My daughters know it by heart.
4) Religion – The Texans I have met have been very conservative and religious people. They want prayer in schools. In fact, I attended a school committee meeting, where my oldest daughter was getting an award, and before the meeting began we all stood and prayed. What!!!! I was a little shocked. It was not just a general prayer either, it was a God Bless Jimmie and Sue prayer. Everyone there said a great big Amen.
5) Football – Next to Baptist this is the second biggest religion in Texas. High school football stadiums here rival Gillette stadium. The closest high school just installed a hundred thousand dollar press box for their stadium. People buy season tickets for high school games. My daughter is in 8th grade. Her schools football team has been fully outfitted and practicing from the first day of school. She will not have books in her classroom for another week. Do you see a problem!
6) Beauty – Texas woman are beautiful woman. They are very girlie and they dress wonderfully every where they go. They don’t run to Walmart in sweat pants after just getting up. They do their hair, make up and clothes before running to Walmart. Just a heads up for those woman like me who tend to run errands looking like I just rolled out of bed. You will meet your friends mothers and you may be embarrassed that you are not in full mother gear.
7) Men in Texas drive trucks. Big Dodge Ram pick up trucks. Leaving a rodeo one night I heard a woman ask the man she was with where he parked their car. His response was, "next to a truck." Needless to say they wandered around the field aimlessly for twenty minutes weaving in and out of all the trucks there.
8) Texas men are nice and are nice to woman. It took me a little while to get used to this because at first I kind of found it offensive. I have now gotten over that feeling. Men in Texas will carry your groceries to your car even if they don’t know you. They will help you get things from the top shelf in the store if you cant reach. They will call you darling and hon and sweetie. They will open doors and refuse to walk through before you. They say things like yes ma'am if they don’t know you. They will tell random woman how nice they look. They also wear belt buckles that you could harness the suns power with and boots and hats.
9) Jury duty is more serious in Texas. Hello we have the death penalty and in the words of Ron White, "we use it." I had jury duty two weeks ago. Both cases were felony murder cases. I was relieved that I was not chosen Maybe they heard my accent and said, "hell no."
10) George W is liked. That’s all I have to say on this one. Its self explanatory!
11) Phrase:
Fixin To - means that you are going to do something. Example, "I'm fixin to get me some lunch."
Down the road a bit – This could mean and hour or two away
Never wear a cowboys hat unless your prepared to try out the cowboy. I might have messed this one up but I was told this by a close friend as I went to reach for a mans hat to try it on my head. I stopped after that.
Road hard and put away wet – This refers to a horse. Not in my mind but oh well.
12) Sweet Tea. Sweet tea is the official drink of Texas. They also have chips shaped like the state. Bud makes a beer just for Texas and only sells it in Texas. Shiner Bock and Amber Bock. You can get the best Mexican, Tex Mex and barbeque in Texas.

So Come to Texas. Look me up. We can have a Shiner together.

Be Yourself

I am writing tonight to tell those young and old to be yourself. Live your life on your terms. If you want to dye your hair pink and wear combat boots then do it. If you want to spend your vacation reading, then spend your vacation reading. Do not live your life for someone else. Do not live your life the way you think others want you to live it. Live your life the way you want to live it. If you want a tattoo, get a tattoo. If you want to wear a mini skirt at 33 then do it. Life is way too short for regrets.
I have been faced with this reality in my own life lately. I have been touched by illness and death so much that I have reached this conclusion. Why are we spending the only time we have here doing the things that other people want us to do and being who we are not. For those of you that live life as yourself everyday, I applaud you! I have come across very few people like this and when I do they are usually happy people.
I know people who are gay and are living a straight lifestyle because thats what is expected. They are misreable. They make those around them misreable. I know people who hate their job but do it because it was expected of them. If you hate your job then take some steps to change it. Be happy because you only have one chance to be happy. If you are in an unhappy marriage then take steps to either fix it or move on. It is tough,yet easy to say but it is true. Only we control our own happiness.

A Few Things

I am very excited that I am coming home again in August. I am coming to pick up my children who have spent the summer with my parents in Mass. This summer break was a little more difficult for me because I missed my kids more this time than last year. They are having a lot of fun and I am glad they are there, rather than spending the summer in house while I worked 10 hour days. This visit is a little bitter sweet for me though because I know it is probably the last visit I will have at home for the year. It is very tough. I was upset the last time I left, but I think this time will be worse for me. I will try not to show it because of the kids but I will be sad. I would like to try and come home for Christmas but I am not sure if it will be a possibility because its expensive.

I have decided about my tattoo. I am going to get it where the bikini line meets my hip. It is going to be the letter T with a bat hanging from it. The T will be feminine and scrolled and the bat will be hanging upside down with closed wings. I decided to scroll and feminize the T because it points to the girly side of me. For those skeptics, I do have a girly side. My husband often times says out loud that I am not girly or feminine at all. This is just not true. I love to dress up, high heels, short skirts, jewelry etc... I like to be feminine. I also like to run, hike, climb rocks, watch ultimate fighting, and play sports. That does not take my feminity away. I consider myself well rounded. Sorry off track. So anyway the T will be for the girl side of me and the bat will symbolize the not so girly side. The fun side. I am hoping to get this done next weekend. I am just trying to find an artist here that is well known. My sister just got another tattoo. I cannot believe it. She got a butterfly on the inside of her right wrist. I guess she is far more fun than I ever knew!

Hippy Hollow - A nude beach in Austin Texas. This beach is a state run and maintained nude beach on Lake Travis. This beach is for gay and straight men and woman. I have gone to this beach a few times since last year. It is the most beautiful spot that I have seen in Texas. The beach is at the bottom of a large rock wall that you have to actually find your way down in order to get to the water. There are stairs but once you get to the first level of rock your on your own. I am writing about it because I am impressed with the woman that I have seen at this beach. They are all shapes and sizes and they truly are out there just enjoying themselves. They dont care if they are stick thin or heavy. They are just out there having fun in the water. These woman are young and old and their confidence is wonderful. I do not go nude at this beach. I go topless. I dont go all nude because as many of you know, I am always losing weight and working out but I am not yet satisfied with my ass. Maybe I will be satisfied one day but not yet. To all these woman who bare it all regardless, good for you! There are also woman there in their 60's who are so fit its incredible. I am not talking about the rich wives who are perfect because they paid for their beauty. I saw a woman last week who was perfect. As she climbed up the rocks to her towel I realized her breasts did not move. They were round and perfect. They were not real but who ever did them did a great job. I am talking about the woman yesterday who had to be sixty or older and looked as if she worked out every day. She looked her age but she inspired me to continue working out. I will not comment on the men at Hippy Hollow. Everyone knows that I am fan and it goes without saying that it makes for an interesting afternoon. All I will say is that men have no fear when they are there. They dont care if they are thin or not, short or tall, long or not. They run, play guitars, climb rocks and float without any concern.

Well that's it for now...

Tattoo

Well it has been a long time since I have posted anything. Partly because I dont think anyone reads my posts. This time I thought I would give it one more shot.

For a while I have considered getting a tattoo. My concern was where would I get it on my body and what would I like to get. Figuring this will be with me for the rest of my life, I did not just want to run off and get anything slapped on. I wanted to get the tattoo put on my lower back. This was before every woman in America put her tattoo on her lower back. Those I work with refer to lower back tattoos as "targets" or "Whore tags." So to say the least, my lower back is now out of the question.

My sister has a tattoo on her left thigh. She has a very big tattoo on her left thigh of a fairy. It is very pretty but too big for me. She also has a pretty rose tattoo on her ankle in memory of my sister, Michelle, who passed away. We were both going to get the rose, but I did not make the appointment.

There is no pressure on me to get a tattoo, it is just something I have thought about for a while. I am the conservative one in my family so there is no surprise that I dont have one. The surprise came two weeks ago when my mother told me that my ultra conservative, architect, brother had gotten a tattoo. Apparently he got a Black Widow spider on the base of his neck. I was shocked and amused. It kind of makes me feel that my brother has a side to himself that he does not show to many people. I like thinking that Mr. Ultraconservative has some skeletons in his closet.

Now that my brother has one, and I have wanted one, it does make me feel like what am I waiting for. I live in Central Texas and there is a tattoo parlor every 5 feet. I save up to buy almost everything, so why not a tattoo. Well I am not saying for sure that I am going to get one, but I have pretty much decided that if I do get one it will be small and it will be on either my ankle, bikini line or hip.

So here is the chance for my friends to weigh in and tell me what they think. Sould I get a tattoo? If so, where on my body? If so what type? I have considered a bat. I like bats. Something cute but not cartoon like. I like the Bacardi Bat. I have considered the Japanese symbol for my name. My name is Japanese and means perfection (haha). It is two symbols but I would have to make them a lot smaller.
So post a reply and let me know. Maybe the next time you see me I will have a tattoo.

Walking in the Middle

The name for this post came from a trip to Walmart one night last week. I have been very busy and very stressed lately and while driving in the Walmart parking lot I became enraged. A couple was walking in the middle of the parking lot isle. They were talking to each other and seemed to be enjoying their day and did not notice me at all. This just aggrevated me even more. I waited behind them until they noticed I was there and kept right on walking in the middle till they crossed the street. I was hot and I said a few things in my car that were not very nice but thankfully I live in Texas and my windows were up because of the air conditioning. As I got out of my car, part of me wanted to go to them and preach like a mother about respect and not living in a vacume but the better part of me told me to calm down.
This experience did a couple of things for me. One is that it told me I needed to do yoga and slow down. Oviously my life has gotten really complicated if a couple at Walmart could push my buttons. I consider myself a pretty calm person unless the subject is passionate for me then I have a tendecy to get a little expressive. The other thing it did for me was to examine the middle of the road. There have been several times in my life I have walked the middle line in an effort to keep the peace or avoid confrontation.
The one area that I did this the most was with my sister, Michelle. Michelle and I grew up together and she did a lot of protection for me while I grew. We were close in age and if anyone made fun of me, Michelle was there and advised them it was not in their best interest to keep going. She was pretty tough and she tolerated nothing. As we grew we fought like sisters but we loved each other. Then she got sick. She was diagnosed with MS and she went down hill very quickly. She lost her fighting attitude and I felt did little to better her situation. In truth I dont think I saw what she did fight for enough. She became bitter and very angry. She was not only ill but in a horrible marriage and had no support. We grew further apart. I could not stand to visit her because she did nothing but complain and she chain smoked. She used my visits to help her get things she could not get herself and I began to resent them. So I walked the middle of the road. I did not tell her how I felt, instead I stopped visiting. I made excuses on the phone with her to not visit and cut the conversation short. I did not do for my sister what she did for me. I did not fight for her. I vividly remember one day at my Mothers, my phone ringing back to back and I did not answer because I did not want to deal with the next dramatic episiode and in fact I said "its just Michelle." I guess I felt I had forever to be with my sister and in time her attitude would improve and we would once again be the sisters we always were. I should have left the midle of the road and talked with her to try and understand her issues and be the sister I should have been.
Michelle died shortly after having enough courage to divorce her rotten husband. She was camping with her children when she passed away. I found her picture today under my refrigerator while cleaning and it reduced me to tears. It has taught me a valuable lesson and one that I use every day. I would give anything to get a "do over" and be the sister I should have been. Since then I have not walked the middle road with my family becuase I have learned that tomorrow the road could end. You could be stranded at the end of that road crying for the forgiveness you cannot grant yourself.

Disgusting

I heard the most disgusting thing today and I have to retell the story. A good friend of mine was shopping last night at the Walmart Super Store. As she was in the pickle isle a couple was debating over which pickles they should buy. She was watching this couple becuase the conversation was getting kind of heated over pickles. As she watched she heard the guy ask the girl if she wanted to try one, to see if she liked them. In her amazement she continued to watch as the guy opened the pickle jar, used his fingers to remove a pickle, hand her the pickle and put the jar back on the shelf. The isle was crowed and a lot of people saw this take place. The woman ate the pickle and then bought the jar.
This is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. Remember to always check the safety seal in case there are a lot more morons like this couple. If you have ever done this please comment and let me know why.
How have we come to the point where someone might think this is acceptable. Are we that self centered that we dont recognize how gross and wrong this is for everyone.
I am intrigued and a little scared.
Yuck!

Rights Dont Exist in Texas

I think I should rename my blog, "stupid laws passed in Texas." Recently the Texas Alcohol Commission made it legal to arrest people in bars that were intoxicated. They used the Public Intoxication law in order to make the arrests. A bar is a public place so technically your drunk in public. Besides feeling like I am in a Ron White comedy sketch, I think this law is ridiculous. Although I understand the need to stop drunk driving and save lives, they even went so far to arrest patrons of a hotel bar. These individulas were registered guests of the hotel. They were not going to drive.
The bigger question is how can we arrest people for what they "might" do. That is a road I dont want to cross. You could arrest me because I drive fast and I "might" kill someone. You should arrest the mother who allows her child to walk on a pier because they "might" fall off and drown. Do we really want to explore these "mights?"
Lastly this is a quote from the Texas Alcohol Commission, "TABC officials said the sweep concerned saving lives, not individual rights."
Well in that case...

Again Again and Again

I know its been a while since I posted and I have heard it from everyone about the fact that I have not weighed in on the controversial issues of the day like why did Nick and Jessica split up(yeah right) so here it goes!!
I have again started my diet and quest to be better than what I feel I currently am. I am going to be coming home in June and I am committed to look slamming bye that time. Yes I said slamming, I am a child of the 80's. One of the main reasons behind it is that I truly feel that I can look better than I do currently. I also found myself lusting after the body of this 40 year old woman in Walmart the other day and decided I needed to stop lusting and get going. Hows that picture in everyone's head now.
I have stopped drinking entirely, started eating more veggies and less bread, pretty much no bread, and have once again started to run. I know I have said it before but I love to run. Its the one thing I do that I actually do for me and just me. I can say nothing else about that in my entire life, well except masterbation, but we wont go there.
Anyway, I am hoping this will help me reach my goal weight of 120lbs. I am not sure what I will look like at 120 and I pretty much think I might just fall over forward but I will cross that bridge when I get there. Wish me the best and if you see me in New England in June, take a feel of my rock hard butt!!!
On another note I recently got promoted and moved into my new office. It is very bare and boring which is not my taste but right now I am too busy to decorate. I am not the fluffy girl type so right now I have two softballs on my desk with some candy etc.. Not a charming look for an office but its a little bit of me. As I moved I came across some very old pictures I had stored away of my friends and I from when we were about 12. Oh my God what were we thinking. I am sitting on a couch with my acid wash jeans and my hair sprayed up in some kind of hair do. My friends are wearing similar jeans with oversized sweatshirts and sneakers that really are not laced. Is this really what we wore and what we looked like. It is a little scary!!! For those friends you know who you are I may send you this picture so you can laugh along with me.
Miss Ya

Before I Die

Who says inspiration cant come from stupidity? Watching a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond I was inspired to write this blogpost today. You may be familiar with the episode but if not, its the one where Raymond is having a midlife crisis and he creates a list of all the things he wants to do before he dies. This is supposed to make goal orientated people feel like they have accomplished something. Cross something off their "to do" list. Well I am not all that goal orientated but I definately have some things I would like to do before I die.
* Attend pastry school - I am an avid baker but I am not all that creative or artistic. I would like to learn how to work with sugar and improve my skills.
* Open my own bakery - This is obviously linked to the first one but I would love to own my own little shop. As a child I made chocolates and sold them at school to my friends. This has always been a love of mine. Nothing big just a few tables, cofee, pastry etc..
* Run a marathon - I love to run but I finding the time is difficult. I would love to train and run a marathon.
* Finish my Bachelor's degree in English - one of my biggest regrets inlife is leaving school and moving home. I would like to finish my degree.
* Corporate law - Finishing my bachelors would allow me to continue on and get my corporate law degree. It fascinates me.
* Take a real vacation - This is something I have never done. I have visited family, I have done mini vacations but I have never had a tropical vacation where i could just sit in the sand and read all day long.
* Visit Ireland, Rome, Paris and London - My honeymoon was going to be in ireland but things came up that prevented me from getting there. I would love to go to Europe and see their culture, cusine, pastry, architecture and beauty.
* Donate substantial money to a charity - So many charities helped my family over the years with my care and I feel its time to give back to help another family in the same situation.
* Have sex outdoors in the rain - kid you not this has been on a list of mine since I was a teenager.
* Save enough money to be a help to my children - I am not saying that I want to give them everything. I dont want to be a burden when I am older. I would also like to have something to give to them to help them on their own way.
* Own a brand new car - This might be a little self indulgent but I would like to own a brand new never been driven car.
* Take my Mom and my sister away - Just the 3 of us getting back to each other and catching up.
* Travel with a friend - Just meet somewhere and do what we want. Hang out, read, see a show, visit a museaum etc.. Nothing important.
* Publish some of my erotic writting - See how I did not call it literature. HAHAHA. I write erotic stories for fun and would love to see one published.
* Pose for a magazine - Ok I know there are a lot of you laughing right now over this one. I am 4'11" and not a magazine poster child. Maybe I just need to make a secret copy of my very own mag to accomplish this one. I just feel I can be sexy sometimes and I would like to document that before I get all old and grey.

Well thats it for now. I am sure this will grow and change. From what I wrote I really seem to want to travel. I did not list, go back to New England as that is not a before I die thing but rather a next year kind of thing.