Things I learned in Texas

I have lived in Texas for 2 years now. There are certain things in Texas that one coming from New England should know ahead of time. Consider this your warning.

1) Don’t drink from a garden hose in Texas. The water coming out of the hose will be Hot. Not just hot but make brewed tea, kind of hot. You will burn your grass, flowers and your mouth. Trust me I know.
2) Carrying Firearms – Texans can carry firearms and it is up to the owner of a store to post signs saying that guns cannot be brought in. True story. A man open fired on his ex wife and son outside of a court house after their divorce hearing. He killed his ex wife, injured his son and others. Another man driving by in his pick up truck (of course) stopped, shot and killed the man with the gun. The man driving the truck was not charged.
3) Pride – Texans have pride. Big pride. They put the star of Texas on their house and in mosaic on their driveway. The wear the Texas flag on shirts and say things like, Long Live Texas. In school they not only say The Pledge of Allegiance to the United States flag they say The Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of Texas. My daughters know it by heart.
4) Religion – The Texans I have met have been very conservative and religious people. They want prayer in schools. In fact, I attended a school committee meeting, where my oldest daughter was getting an award, and before the meeting began we all stood and prayed. What!!!! I was a little shocked. It was not just a general prayer either, it was a God Bless Jimmie and Sue prayer. Everyone there said a great big Amen.
5) Football – Next to Baptist this is the second biggest religion in Texas. High school football stadiums here rival Gillette stadium. The closest high school just installed a hundred thousand dollar press box for their stadium. People buy season tickets for high school games. My daughter is in 8th grade. Her schools football team has been fully outfitted and practicing from the first day of school. She will not have books in her classroom for another week. Do you see a problem!
6) Beauty – Texas woman are beautiful woman. They are very girlie and they dress wonderfully every where they go. They don’t run to Walmart in sweat pants after just getting up. They do their hair, make up and clothes before running to Walmart. Just a heads up for those woman like me who tend to run errands looking like I just rolled out of bed. You will meet your friends mothers and you may be embarrassed that you are not in full mother gear.
7) Men in Texas drive trucks. Big Dodge Ram pick up trucks. Leaving a rodeo one night I heard a woman ask the man she was with where he parked their car. His response was, "next to a truck." Needless to say they wandered around the field aimlessly for twenty minutes weaving in and out of all the trucks there.
8) Texas men are nice and are nice to woman. It took me a little while to get used to this because at first I kind of found it offensive. I have now gotten over that feeling. Men in Texas will carry your groceries to your car even if they don’t know you. They will help you get things from the top shelf in the store if you cant reach. They will call you darling and hon and sweetie. They will open doors and refuse to walk through before you. They say things like yes ma'am if they don’t know you. They will tell random woman how nice they look. They also wear belt buckles that you could harness the suns power with and boots and hats.
9) Jury duty is more serious in Texas. Hello we have the death penalty and in the words of Ron White, "we use it." I had jury duty two weeks ago. Both cases were felony murder cases. I was relieved that I was not chosen Maybe they heard my accent and said, "hell no."
10) George W is liked. That’s all I have to say on this one. Its self explanatory!
11) Phrase:
Fixin To - means that you are going to do something. Example, "I'm fixin to get me some lunch."
Down the road a bit – This could mean and hour or two away
Never wear a cowboys hat unless your prepared to try out the cowboy. I might have messed this one up but I was told this by a close friend as I went to reach for a mans hat to try it on my head. I stopped after that.
Road hard and put away wet – This refers to a horse. Not in my mind but oh well.
12) Sweet Tea. Sweet tea is the official drink of Texas. They also have chips shaped like the state. Bud makes a beer just for Texas and only sells it in Texas. Shiner Bock and Amber Bock. You can get the best Mexican, Tex Mex and barbeque in Texas.

So Come to Texas. Look me up. We can have a Shiner together.