What Am I to You

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue



When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so



If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball



When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you



Yah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball



When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies



I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you

Is it because I am a Woman?

I fucking hate being taken advantage of. I fucking hate it! I cant stand it when the situation is already bad enough but some jackass has to try and make some quick cash off of someone else's misfortune. Profiting off of someone else's misery is a crap ass way to make money. So to everyone who sees someone struggling and makes the situation worse because they can and the other person really has no choice, fuck you!

On Friday I was involved in a car accident. Thankfully, I was wearing my seat belt and walked away with some sore body parts and a messed up right knee. My car on the other hand was not so lucky.



Not being prepared to be in an accident was where I apparently went wrong. I did not know the name of the towing company that I wanted to tow my car from the scene. Not able to answer the State Trooper's question regading a towing company, he called a local city company. Two guys came, put my car on a flat bed and give me a ride to a local restaurant to be picked up because I could not wait for my ride on the highway. I asked the guy to bring my car to my house. I am pretty sure it was totaled and saw no reason to have it sit in storage for the next week or so. I also had $100.00 in groceries in the trunk and was hoping to not loose all of them as well. The driver told me "no, we can't do that." He dropped me off when my ride got there and took my car to his shop.

When I got home I called who I should have called for the tow in the first place and asked them to go and get my car and tow it to my house. I headed down to the first tow company to pay for the tow. I called first so they would be aware that another tow company was coming. This is where I got royally bent over and screwed. The bill to tow my car from 195E under Gov Center to Brayton ave...$168.00 Not kidding.

I was charged $90.00 for the police call for the tow. I was also charged because two guys came out versus one, milage, gas and $20.00 for storing my car for all of possibly 30 minutes before the other company arrived. In comparison the other company charged me $45.00 to tow my car from the city to my house in Westport.

I am aware that the insurance company of the party at fault will pay. That is not the point. The point is that you saw someone who was in a crappy situation and made it worse for profit.

You Will be Missed

Sorry for the melancholy blog but its really for me at this point.

My grandmother passed away a little before 4:00PM today. She was elderly and ill. This was something we were expecting and understand. Still does not make it any easier and for me this has hit me pretty hard.

My grandmother was married to my grandfather who passed away from cancer when she was young. She had a daughter and a son. She had 7 grandchildren and 9 great grand children. The youngest, just turned two.



Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Grandma told the nurse the other night that she met, "the most handsome man in the world the other day." She said he told her he was taking her on a long vacation and not to worry.

Hopefully she has found that handsome man, seen my sister and once again be reunited with the love of her life. She did a good job in life. She raised two children who have done great and raised families of their own. We all love and respect our grandmother.

"Tomorrow the sun will rise."

I love you grandma!

The Town Pants

Newport Irish Festival

Brenna and I went to the Newport Irish Festival yesterday. The rain, humidity and grey skys made it the perfect setting for an Irish party. There were three large tents that held all of the food and mechandise. It was a little expensive but the money raised goes to charity.

Brenna spent a lot of time in the merchandise tent looking for her name. It is the kind of name that you cannot find here at all. She would like a sticker, tee shirt, even a pin that says Brenna. No luck yesterday! She said she thought her name was "too Irish even for this festival."

I did see a tee shirt for The Angry Piper. I would have bought it but he said he was going to be there today. It was black and had a picture of a pint of beer on the front that said, "I like to drink my pint in peace." and on the back, "But you look like you're in need of a good beating, and I'm always willing to help a poor bastard out."

I was drinking Harp all day. Piper will be be happy to know that there was no crappy girl beer there. Harp, Guinness or Smithwicks was what was on tap!

Added some pictures of the day to my MySpace. Tami *Smiley*. If you would like to see more of the day, go have a look.

An airbrush tattoo artist put a shamrock on my left breast. I know I dont need to draw any more attention to them, but what the heck. I was just having fun. He was a little shaky at first but it came out great.

The highlight of the day came when we saw that the band,
The Town Pants, would be playing at 3:00 PM. I already had a few of there songs on my iPod. They were amazing. We stood there in the rain yelling, dancing and watching some very intoxicated people around us enjoy the day as well. I bought all three of their cd's and Brenna got a hoodie. Check out the band. They are great. Songs I really like are, Breakfast with St. Swithin, The Old Landlord, Bottle of Rain, Mr Valentine's Dead, Ships Made of Wood and Whiskey You're the Devil.

Things you should know but probably dont

I am camping this weekend at Myles Standish. I need to relax in a big way. Life has just gotten a little overwhelming for me this past two weeks. Hopefully I will be able to kick back and relax. I am not a "camper" though so we shall see. I am also going with my sister. I love my sister but we dont always see eye to eye.

Thought I would leave you with these facts:

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BUT PROBABLY DON'T

1. Money isn't made out of paper. It's made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp.

3. The dot over the letter 'I' is called a 'tittle'.

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to
the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7-UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time hence, multitasking was invented.

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver

22. Leonardo DaVinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink
in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)

27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.

34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. OJ Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and
work in the yard, and they haul her ass off to jail. RIP George!

Because I Can

I have always prided myself on being strong and independent. I know that regardless of my surroundings I can take care of myself. I like that about me. I enjoy knowing that I support my family, that I pay for my car, that I can complete a 5k, that I can bake some luscious desserts and that in the end I am still me. ~T~

I dont need anyone to take care of me. If something breaks then I can try and fix it or hire someone who knows how to fix it. I think this has been my greatest strength in my life and also a weakness. The problem comes in when I show others, especially men, that I dont need anyone to take care of me. There is a level of insecurity that lies within some men I meet that comes to the forefront when my independent nature comes out.

The biggest secret that I only allow myself to indulge is that just because I can does not always mean I want to.

So here is a list of some very masculine things that I enjoy being done by men. I would never admit these in public either because I am just a bitch that way.

1)Opening the door - I would never stand in front of a door and wait for it to be opened. I might also open it for a guy but the girl in me likes it when you open it for me.
2)Compliment - I think everyone likes to know when they look good and I am no different. I like to be told when I look nice as long as it is genuine. I like to give compliments as well especially when it comes to the way men smell. Love that!
3)Pumping Gas - I know it could be my car we are using but please do not make me get out and pump the gas while you sit in the car
4)Inspection Sticker - I HATE getting my car inspected. I wait until I get pulled over by the police before I go and have my car inspected. I dont know why but the man that does this for his girlfriend or wife is tops in my book.
5)Christmas/Groceries Shopping - Dont make me do this alone or worse pay for it all by myself. If I do go alone then at least help me wrap the gifts or put the food away when I get back.
6)Be Spontaneous - Not all the time because then it becomes predictable. Send me a picture or a card in the mail. Call to tell me you are thinking of me or pick me up without me knowing and go for a walk in the park. I love to do this too because for me its just the little gestures that mean so much.
7)Know what I like - Order my drink if I go to the bathroom and the waitress comes by. I enjoy coming back and realizing that you focused on a part of me while we were out and used it to make me smile.
8)Indulge my fantasy - This can be fun for all involved!
9)Kiss me/Touch me - Just because it feels good
10)Everything - Every now and then let me know that I make you happy. I am what you want in your life. I dont care how many woman you look at but when you look at me let me know there is no one else who can make you smile the way I can.

Just because I can does not always mean I want to.

~T~

Numb

This past Thursday was my fourth visit on the couch. The first three visits were pretty much getting to know you kind of crap. Geneone of my family and friends. Medical and psycholical history of my family,my husband and his family. That took a while. If either one us had considered our family history before we got married we would have been able to see that our DNA was not something that should be combined. Dont get me wrong I have wonderful daughters but after checking yes on a questionaire fifty times one would begin to wonder.

I was beginning to get a little frustrated on the couch because it seemed to be taking a long time to go over my history and I was a little impatient on getting to where I wanted to discuss certain things. The first being my seperation from my husband, the second being the guilt I have with my sister's death and my third being my fear of being alone for the rest of my life. I wanted to discuss these things and I wanted to tie them up in neat bows and get rid of them.

Not so fast...This last session was the first real "getting to the meat of the matter' session. I decided I dont like it so much. It was very difficult. It was trying, to say the least as I tried to describe my current situation and answered her questions about why. Why is the problem. I dont know why. I dont know why I am assertive with everyone else in my life but I let my seperated husband walk all over me. I dont know why when he says he is going to buy a motorcycle how I could just walk away instead of saying asking him to pay his half of hs daughter's tuition.

Exercise #1 - What would you say to a friend - the couch told me to step out of myself and think what I would say if a good friend told me the same story. What would I say to a friend whose husband has not given her any money for their daughter's tuition but calls and asks me to borrow $2000.00 for a motorcycle. This was good for me because I am opioniated and I know I would be the first one to say that its bullshit.

Exercise #2 - Speaking your mind - This is something that is very hard for me. I have been conditioned to be a pleaser and being nice is something that I am. I find it easier to just let things go rather than fight because it never seems worth the fight to me. I swallow it down and force my opinions and feelings to just go away. I told the couch that it had been so long since I argued with anyone over anything. She called me "numb." She told me I had to begin speaking my mind in a good way and not be concerned about the response of others. She told me I can only contorl my own words and actions I cant control the response of others. She is right and I will try. The only person I have ever been able to be free with in my life about my feelings is my best friend. He has truly seen the best and worst of me.

The final blow came yesterday. My husband and daughter went camping and he asked me to let out the dogs and feed them while they were away. I said yes and went over twice a day for the past 4 days. I went online to find my last resume so I could update it and look for a new job. While online I found a word document where he basically invalidated the one item that I have said soemthing negative to him about recently. He then went on to say that he was not going to "take care of me and my issues." I also found that he has once again stopped taking his medication. So thats it. I'm done. I have been done for about 3 years now and the reality of that fact is here now.