This time of year always causes some people to examine the things in their lives, see what they like and attempt to change what they dont like. I have decided to do the same today by listing what I am truly thankful for, this holiday season.
One of the main things I am thankful for is that I was born in the United States. With the country taking some pretty good and well deserved hits on the war, torture policies, poverty and violence, I am still thankful I was born in the U.S.A. (no singing please) I was born in 1972 with a severe maxocranial facial birth defect. It took 16 surgeries to correct this defect from birth till the age of 13. I traveled to Boston's Children's Hospital multiple times a year and I saw over 5 specialists in the field of reconstructive surgery and related issues. I had stainless steel tubes placed in my ears because my birth defect almost rendered me deaf by the age of 5. I had years of speech therapy so that I could sound like the New Englander that I am today. For all of this today, I have a few scars and suffer an occassional comment from an ignorant stranger. My family was not rich and yet I do not owe anything to the incredible surgeons that made it their job to fix me. My mother did not work during this time because she had to devote so much time to my care and yet we did not loose our home or starve. Organizations like The Lion's Club came forward and helped my family. This would not have been accomplished in another country. I know this for a fact because giving back to those that helped me and a deep desire to help others has caused me to research my birth defect. In the past facing this part of my past was too painful and I shunned away from the topic or others in a similiar situation. Looking into this defect I have learned that although so many advances in science have been made to help harelip and cleft palate children, other parts of our world are left to suffer. Children in third world countries have to rely on the kindness and volunteer spirit of plastic surgeons who make it a point to travel and correct these defects. Some of these children will never be helped. They are considered useless by those around them, the majority have an extreme speech deformity and some cannot eat properly resulting in malnutrition. Organizations such as Smile Train and numerous other govenrment organizations are working to help these children. It costs 300.00 to fix this isue in third world countries. That is all. We spend 300.00 on groceries, flat screen televisions, DVD's etc... I am not preaching today, I just cannot imagine living my life any other way than I live it. People who meet me dont even realize that I have had this birth defect. This has not stood in my way. I was well cared for in every way and for that I am thankful I was born in the U.S.A. If you get the chance to check out the link consider buying some Christmas cards. 100% of the money raised goes to this fight.
I am also thnkful to the parentsthat raised me. My mother gave up a large portion of her young life for my care. I also had children in my 20's and prt of me was very selfish during this time and needed "time for me." My mother had 3 other small children at home and had to devote extreme time to my care. My father worked 2 and sometimes 3 jobs to care for his family. He spent the majority of most weekdays and weekends in the local shops fixing machines and doing odd jobs on the side. I have never known my fathr to be without a job. My mother made it a requirement that all of my siblings care for me at some pont. She said that she never wanted them to be embarrassed of their sister and that by being around them I would develop my speech pattern quicker. She is a very intelligent woman and I admire her courage and strength. I am thankful Iwas born and raised by these wonderful people.
I am thankful for my friends. Especially the ones who put up with my whining and odd sense of humor. I am thanful for those that stopped me from maing mistakes in my life and for those who encouraged me to do more than I was doing. I am thankfu for those who piss me off and cause me to re-xamine a subject I thought I knew and understood. I am thankful for the one who sticks by me and puts up with me and loves me anyway regardless of how many times I drop by unannounced.
I am thankfulfor my siblings and my children. Never in my life did I ever imagine I would love someone as strongly as I love my children. I would give my life for my children. My daughter's always challenge me to see things from different points of view. I love their spirit and their fun. I am thanful for my sister who says it like it is,always. She could care if its going to sting when she says it. If shefeels you need to know then she will tell you. I am thankful for my brother who can take care of everything. I am thankful that I had the chance to see my other sister through her stages in life until her death. I was able to be there with her in her youth, when she threatened to beat up people who teased me,until her illness. I wish I had done more for her in the later part of her life but I am glad she walked with me for the time she did.
Well that is what I am thankful for this holiday season. Be thankful!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Thursday, November 10, 2005
New Clothing Line
If it had a million dollars I would start a new clothing line. Thanks to BNL for the beginning of my blog today! In all seriousness, if I ever strike it rich I am going to have someone design clothes for me and for all woman like me. Woman like me... Who are those woman and how did this idea come to light.
Yesterday, I took a mental health day. I did not go to work because I felt if I did not take the day off I was going to go ballistic and scream possibly cry in my cube all day long. Considering I am the "ice princess" of the department, I thought this would hurt my warm and fuzzy reputation. So with my day off I did what woman do and I went to the mall. Unlike most woman though I went to find presents for everyone else for the holidays and buy myself a white shirt. My white shirt had a huge hole in the left arm. I wore it anyway, but it was a violation of my companies dress code policy, I kid you not, so I went to buy a new one. Standing in the dressing room for the 5th time this revelation came to me. I have a freakishly out of proportion body! I must have because nothing I try on, ever fits. I would post a picture of myself for everyone to see my freakish body but I cant figure out how to add the photo. I am not a techy person either. So my description will hopefully paint this picture.
First of all I am short. I am not small or petit as I am told by others trying to be politically correct, I am short. I am 4'11" short. I wear heels all the time but when it comes to clothes, I am short. I tried on several pants yesterday and they all said, short or petite length and they all still had yards of cloth I would need to remove. So I gave up on pants and said I would just keep wearing my "good ass pants" until they feel apart on their own and I was left naked. My good ass pants are these black pants that I love that make my ass look great. I have sewn the holes in these pants together about 4 times now. This is where I made my mistake. I should have stuck to my ass.
Trying on shirts brought forth a new kind of challenge. Now that you can picture me being short let me tell you where the freakish comes in to play. I am busty. God, I hate that word. Thats a word my fahter would use to describe some woman he saw in the mall. I like to say I am blessed but yesterday it was a curse. I have the ability to stand out ina crowd and often times get the "holy shit" from people walking by me. I dont mind. Most of the time I like being blessed and somtimes I bring attention on my to myself because I wear some shirts that are a little tight or have a V neck. Yesterday was not that kind of day. I tried on size 14 no go. I tried on size 16, no go. I tried on size 18 and this is where I stopped. Now let me say that the only part of the size 14 that did not fit was across the 2nd button. The only part that did not fit on the size 16, was across the second button, and the only part that just barely fits on the size 18 was across the second button. So now I have a white tent that I am wearing but it fits my breasts. So I bought my $48.00, yes $48.00 white shirt and left aggrevated. You see its $48.00 because its a lot of fucking material.
What I cant understand is that with the rise of plastic surgery for breast augmentation rising 80% this year, where are the clothes to fit these freakish Barbies. They have to exist and if not then these woman must all be pole dancers who dont need to wear clothes. See I work in a corporation so clothing is not optional.
So yesterday after talking to myself in a dressing room I considered plastic surgery myself. Reduce them was the battle cry in my head. I walked out and thought about it the rest of the day. So I tabled this thought for now and said maybe someday. Maybe someday after I have stopped running daily and let myself fall apart. Maybe when I am older and I need to have my bras special ordered from some old lady magazine. maybe later but not now.
Yesterday, I took a mental health day. I did not go to work because I felt if I did not take the day off I was going to go ballistic and scream possibly cry in my cube all day long. Considering I am the "ice princess" of the department, I thought this would hurt my warm and fuzzy reputation. So with my day off I did what woman do and I went to the mall. Unlike most woman though I went to find presents for everyone else for the holidays and buy myself a white shirt. My white shirt had a huge hole in the left arm. I wore it anyway, but it was a violation of my companies dress code policy, I kid you not, so I went to buy a new one. Standing in the dressing room for the 5th time this revelation came to me. I have a freakishly out of proportion body! I must have because nothing I try on, ever fits. I would post a picture of myself for everyone to see my freakish body but I cant figure out how to add the photo. I am not a techy person either. So my description will hopefully paint this picture.
First of all I am short. I am not small or petit as I am told by others trying to be politically correct, I am short. I am 4'11" short. I wear heels all the time but when it comes to clothes, I am short. I tried on several pants yesterday and they all said, short or petite length and they all still had yards of cloth I would need to remove. So I gave up on pants and said I would just keep wearing my "good ass pants" until they feel apart on their own and I was left naked. My good ass pants are these black pants that I love that make my ass look great. I have sewn the holes in these pants together about 4 times now. This is where I made my mistake. I should have stuck to my ass.
Trying on shirts brought forth a new kind of challenge. Now that you can picture me being short let me tell you where the freakish comes in to play. I am busty. God, I hate that word. Thats a word my fahter would use to describe some woman he saw in the mall. I like to say I am blessed but yesterday it was a curse. I have the ability to stand out ina crowd and often times get the "holy shit" from people walking by me. I dont mind. Most of the time I like being blessed and somtimes I bring attention on my to myself because I wear some shirts that are a little tight or have a V neck. Yesterday was not that kind of day. I tried on size 14 no go. I tried on size 16, no go. I tried on size 18 and this is where I stopped. Now let me say that the only part of the size 14 that did not fit was across the 2nd button. The only part that did not fit on the size 16, was across the second button, and the only part that just barely fits on the size 18 was across the second button. So now I have a white tent that I am wearing but it fits my breasts. So I bought my $48.00, yes $48.00 white shirt and left aggrevated. You see its $48.00 because its a lot of fucking material.
What I cant understand is that with the rise of plastic surgery for breast augmentation rising 80% this year, where are the clothes to fit these freakish Barbies. They have to exist and if not then these woman must all be pole dancers who dont need to wear clothes. See I work in a corporation so clothing is not optional.
So yesterday after talking to myself in a dressing room I considered plastic surgery myself. Reduce them was the battle cry in my head. I walked out and thought about it the rest of the day. So I tabled this thought for now and said maybe someday. Maybe someday after I have stopped running daily and let myself fall apart. Maybe when I am older and I need to have my bras special ordered from some old lady magazine. maybe later but not now.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Oh give me a home
Oh give me a home that is not filled with religious conservatives who belive that the Bible should run the government. It is now offical and every news station and local paper is carrying this headline. "Texans Back Prop 2." Yeah go Texas. Now you too can be proud that you have joined the 18 other states that have put a ban on gay marriage.
As you can see I am a little disturbed by what has happened in Texas yesterday. With more than 700,000 votes, 77% favored the ban. The local paper goes on to say that "Texas is now like every other state except Massa-chusetts." Before Texans go out and celebrate maybe they should learn how to spell and realize that there is no hyphen in Massachusetts.
Numerous ministers were lined up and cited Bible passages to argue for the ban. Is there not something that says we should not mix church and state? Why is my state telling me how to interpret my religion and why is my religion telling me how my state should be run. Did we not stop this because it opend the door wide to discrimination based on religion.
One of the amendments that passed was a improvement fund for Texas railroads. This amendment stated that Texas land could be taken into eminent domain if the railroad needed to expand in your area and that railroad improvement could be run by creating debt. Apparently Texans care more about who their neighbor is fucking and marrying, then they do about losing their land and home to a railroad company.
The only amendment that passed that I think was a positive step was to deny bail for criminal defendants who have violated their release conditions pending trail. This is great. Why are we giving bail in the first place to someone who has violated a condition of their release? If you violate a condition of your release, you should go straight back to jail, do not pass go and not collect 200.00 dollars.
Well, I guess this is the neon sign in the sky for me. I long to be home where things are a little more liberal and I dont have to worry about my Mayor being my Preacher on Sunday. To all those who voted yes to ban gay marriage I say, "god for you." For me I will stick with "thou shall not judge lest ye be judged," or something to that effect.
As you can see I am a little disturbed by what has happened in Texas yesterday. With more than 700,000 votes, 77% favored the ban. The local paper goes on to say that "Texas is now like every other state except Massa-chusetts." Before Texans go out and celebrate maybe they should learn how to spell and realize that there is no hyphen in Massachusetts.
Numerous ministers were lined up and cited Bible passages to argue for the ban. Is there not something that says we should not mix church and state? Why is my state telling me how to interpret my religion and why is my religion telling me how my state should be run. Did we not stop this because it opend the door wide to discrimination based on religion.
One of the amendments that passed was a improvement fund for Texas railroads. This amendment stated that Texas land could be taken into eminent domain if the railroad needed to expand in your area and that railroad improvement could be run by creating debt. Apparently Texans care more about who their neighbor is fucking and marrying, then they do about losing their land and home to a railroad company.
The only amendment that passed that I think was a positive step was to deny bail for criminal defendants who have violated their release conditions pending trail. This is great. Why are we giving bail in the first place to someone who has violated a condition of their release? If you violate a condition of your release, you should go straight back to jail, do not pass go and not collect 200.00 dollars.
Well, I guess this is the neon sign in the sky for me. I long to be home where things are a little more liberal and I dont have to worry about my Mayor being my Preacher on Sunday. To all those who voted yes to ban gay marriage I say, "god for you." For me I will stick with "thou shall not judge lest ye be judged," or something to that effect.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Priorities
Watching television last night my oldest daughter called to me and asked me to come to the computer. This is not a surprise for me because my 12 year old daughter spends most of her free time either reading or being online. The good thing is that she loves to read and spends most of her weekend engrossed in a good book. The bad thing is her room is a pit and she could really care. I guess thats bad for me but for her its a bonus because she gets to lay around and read. She is a very smart child and I truly cant find fault with reading. Even when she is online she spends her time in HotTopic.com deciding on what she wants for Christmas or on Iconator making new icons to share with her friends. All in all she is a great child.
Last night her assignment from one of her classes was to list her top 5 priorities in her life and say why she picked them. I was amazed at what I read. This also caused me to think about a list like that I may have created at 12 and how that list has changed over the years.
My Top 5
1. My Children - Nothing means more to me than my children. They are the center of my life and I do everything I can for them. I hope they grow up and lead happy, responsible lives. I often times need far more patience than I have with them, but I do what I can with what I know.
2. My Health - A lot of you will laugh when you read this because you tell me all the time that I dont take care of myself. That is true and that has begun to really bother me. I have made a committment to do better for me. I run and I eat well but it is not enough and I need to bring the focus back on me. It is going to be hard because I have learned that I am a "pleaser." I like to make others happy and often times it comes at self sacrifice.
3. My Family - This is not only my immediate family but also my extended family. Things at home in Mass are rough right now for a lot of people and I ache because I cant be there to help out. My Mother dedicated most of her life to me to be sure I was well taken care of and not picked on etc... She did everything she could so that I would lead a"normal" life and not let a birth defect defeat my chances. Now I am not there for her and it is hard.
4. My Friends - I have some really good friends and I love them. My experiences with them have shaped who I am today. To my best friend all I can say is that with you I spent some of the best times of my life. You aggrevate the living daylights out of me and most of them time on purpose but with that said, I still love ya. To my new friends, I say thank you because you have made living in Texas more bearable. You have been there for me when I had no one else to turn to here.
5. God - Although I dont practice my religion, which is Catholic, I have a deep faith. I believe in God and I believe that we all have a purpose. I believe everything happens for a reason and that we are here to do our best. I have come to a point in my life that I want to give back and make a difference. I really would like to volunteer in the Austin Children's Hospital. I have given it a lot of thought and I think its time.
Well I thank my daughter for the inspiration for this blog today. Her number 1 on her list was God. I found that odd because she is 12 and she is not a religious person. I also felt good about that too. Did I say I had great kids!!!
Last night her assignment from one of her classes was to list her top 5 priorities in her life and say why she picked them. I was amazed at what I read. This also caused me to think about a list like that I may have created at 12 and how that list has changed over the years.
My Top 5
1. My Children - Nothing means more to me than my children. They are the center of my life and I do everything I can for them. I hope they grow up and lead happy, responsible lives. I often times need far more patience than I have with them, but I do what I can with what I know.
2. My Health - A lot of you will laugh when you read this because you tell me all the time that I dont take care of myself. That is true and that has begun to really bother me. I have made a committment to do better for me. I run and I eat well but it is not enough and I need to bring the focus back on me. It is going to be hard because I have learned that I am a "pleaser." I like to make others happy and often times it comes at self sacrifice.
3. My Family - This is not only my immediate family but also my extended family. Things at home in Mass are rough right now for a lot of people and I ache because I cant be there to help out. My Mother dedicated most of her life to me to be sure I was well taken care of and not picked on etc... She did everything she could so that I would lead a"normal" life and not let a birth defect defeat my chances. Now I am not there for her and it is hard.
4. My Friends - I have some really good friends and I love them. My experiences with them have shaped who I am today. To my best friend all I can say is that with you I spent some of the best times of my life. You aggrevate the living daylights out of me and most of them time on purpose but with that said, I still love ya. To my new friends, I say thank you because you have made living in Texas more bearable. You have been there for me when I had no one else to turn to here.
5. God - Although I dont practice my religion, which is Catholic, I have a deep faith. I believe in God and I believe that we all have a purpose. I believe everything happens for a reason and that we are here to do our best. I have come to a point in my life that I want to give back and make a difference. I really would like to volunteer in the Austin Children's Hospital. I have given it a lot of thought and I think its time.
Well I thank my daughter for the inspiration for this blog today. Her number 1 on her list was God. I found that odd because she is 12 and she is not a religious person. I also felt good about that too. Did I say I had great kids!!!
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